And no, I'm not talking about anyone else. I'm talking about myself. Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize you are a disgusting, vile person. It's really ugly when you realize you have such hatred, such bitterness, such pettiness, such selfishness in you. I mean, you aren't a bad person as far as the world is concerned....you don't drink, you don't smoke, you love your family, you go to church.
BUT, inside your heart is awful. How could anyone love you? How could someone die for you? At that moment, I was overwhelmed that Jesus would come to this broken world & die for me so that I might be saved. I don't deserve that...never in a million years. I'm so nasty, so evil, so flawed...yet God showers me with His Grace....Grace undeserved. Jesus' blood covers my sin, my evil.
And even more unthinkable is that He takes this broken, nasty person & make something beautiful out of it. He uses me, in my awful state, to bring glory to Himself. He works all things out in this life for His good! All I have to do is admit I'm sinful & ask His forgiveness. That sweet sweet forgiveness, that He pours on me so readily. And then He blesses me again & again. Despite myself, He has blessed me with 3 beautiful kids, with a wonderful, loving, patient husband, a wonderful family & a great church family. I don't deserve any of it! It's Grace! God's wonderful, bountiful, undeserved, incomprehensible grace!
Only God could take an awful, nasty, petty, flawed person and turn her into something beautiful, broken but beautiful! All I can do is Praise HIM!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Overwhelmed
Do you ever get to the point where everything just overwhelms you? I'm there. So I decide today to write about a few of the things that overwhelm me & what I'm doing to change that.
1. My house is overwhelming me. It is so cluttered & messy. So, I've started decluttering. Just wish I could get it done faster. I have my kitchen and my garage done. I'm also working on my bathroom & Jeff's cds & DVDs. I still need to finish my bathroom & closet. Then I need to do my desk. Then the big jobs need done - the spare room & Jeff's computer area in the living room.
2. our schedule is overwhelming me. We aren't dealing well with adjusting when Jeff leaves & comes home. Plus it seems like we just run run run. Sunday is church, Tuesday is Bible Study & Homeschool Gym, Wed is Word of Life, Thursday is dance. I also have OT in there & any other meetings that crop up at church. Then when you throw picking up Jeff & dropping Jeff off at the airport into the mix, It's all a little overwhelming! I also have to fit in school too. I don't have a solution to this problem yet. Maybe it's more of an attitude adjustment for myself about all of this.
I think my biggest problem is I let my outlook be influenced by my feelings. I need to stop living by my feelings. My feelings are so unstable at times. I let myself give into the feelings & get overwhelmed. Yes, I do have some actual steps I can take to help that overwhelmed feeling, but a lot of the problem is living according to those feelings. I get overwhelmed, then I get moody. Then I get grouchy. Then I become hard to live with. Then it rubs off on hubby & the kids & they become hard to live with which makes me grouchier. All because I let my feelings run my life. God, help me to live the way You want me to & not live according to my feelings of the moment.
1. My house is overwhelming me. It is so cluttered & messy. So, I've started decluttering. Just wish I could get it done faster. I have my kitchen and my garage done. I'm also working on my bathroom & Jeff's cds & DVDs. I still need to finish my bathroom & closet. Then I need to do my desk. Then the big jobs need done - the spare room & Jeff's computer area in the living room.
2. our schedule is overwhelming me. We aren't dealing well with adjusting when Jeff leaves & comes home. Plus it seems like we just run run run. Sunday is church, Tuesday is Bible Study & Homeschool Gym, Wed is Word of Life, Thursday is dance. I also have OT in there & any other meetings that crop up at church. Then when you throw picking up Jeff & dropping Jeff off at the airport into the mix, It's all a little overwhelming! I also have to fit in school too. I don't have a solution to this problem yet. Maybe it's more of an attitude adjustment for myself about all of this.
I think my biggest problem is I let my outlook be influenced by my feelings. I need to stop living by my feelings. My feelings are so unstable at times. I let myself give into the feelings & get overwhelmed. Yes, I do have some actual steps I can take to help that overwhelmed feeling, but a lot of the problem is living according to those feelings. I get overwhelmed, then I get moody. Then I get grouchy. Then I become hard to live with. Then it rubs off on hubby & the kids & they become hard to live with which makes me grouchier. All because I let my feelings run my life. God, help me to live the way You want me to & not live according to my feelings of the moment.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Rambling
I don't really have a topic today. Just noticed I hadn't updated in a while. Things are going ok. We are having a little trouble with the kids picking up their toys. It's a constant struggle & I'm not really sure how to deal with it. It usually ends in yelling (yes, I know yelling is not good). I know I've trained them to only respond to yelling but I can't seem to get us out of this viscous circle! Then I end up feeling like a horrible mom.
Plus this week I'm dealing with hormones & headaches so that make me irritable. Fortunately, Jeff is coming home tonight! He is home for 4 whole days then on Thursday, he & I head to DE where he is working. A nice break for me.
I feel like I've been under attack this week. My defenses are down since I've not been feeling the best & Satan has been working overtime on trying to convince me I'm a bad mom. Then all the afraid feelings. Just a hard week. But I've been clinging to God & He has brought me through it. Some weeks we sail through & other weeks we are just happy to have made it through alive!
As you can see, this is just a rambling mess. So, if you thought I had it all together, you can clearly see that I don't. I struggle, but God is faithful to take even my weak attempts & turn them to good. Every day, Heaven looks better & better. To have no struggles, no pain, no anger, no doubts....to just be in the presence of Jesus....ah....
Plus this week I'm dealing with hormones & headaches so that make me irritable. Fortunately, Jeff is coming home tonight! He is home for 4 whole days then on Thursday, he & I head to DE where he is working. A nice break for me.
I feel like I've been under attack this week. My defenses are down since I've not been feeling the best & Satan has been working overtime on trying to convince me I'm a bad mom. Then all the afraid feelings. Just a hard week. But I've been clinging to God & He has brought me through it. Some weeks we sail through & other weeks we are just happy to have made it through alive!
As you can see, this is just a rambling mess. So, if you thought I had it all together, you can clearly see that I don't. I struggle, but God is faithful to take even my weak attempts & turn them to good. Every day, Heaven looks better & better. To have no struggles, no pain, no anger, no doubts....to just be in the presence of Jesus....ah....
Sunday, September 7, 2008
"I don't think I could do it"
That is the most common thing I've heard from everyone whenever they talk to me about Jeff's traveling job. The conversation goes something like this:
"How's Jeff liking the new Job?"
"Fine. He seems to be adjusting to it well"
"How are you doing with him gone all the time?"
"Pretty good. We get to talk to him on Skype all the time, so that helps."
"Well, I don't think I could do it!"
So, I've been thinking about this. The only thing I can say in answer to that is "I'm not doing it. God is." The human part of me is screaming that Jeff needs to be home & I can't be on my own with 3 kids for 4-5 days a week. But then I look at this & can see God's hand. He put us here. He is guiding me. It is working. Yes, I miss Jeff when he's gone...like crazy. But things are going smoothly & everything is working good. So God must be doing this for us.
You know, I probably would say the same thing to someone in my situation. But now, I don't think I'll ever say that again. Now I see that if God puts me in a tough situation, He'll enable me "to do it!" He has plans for me that are higher than what I could even dream. I just can't think on that level so I just have to accept that if He put us on this path, He'll provide the way. So I know that I can do it if it is God's will for me!!
"How's Jeff liking the new Job?"
"Fine. He seems to be adjusting to it well"
"How are you doing with him gone all the time?"
"Pretty good. We get to talk to him on Skype all the time, so that helps."
"Well, I don't think I could do it!"
So, I've been thinking about this. The only thing I can say in answer to that is "I'm not doing it. God is." The human part of me is screaming that Jeff needs to be home & I can't be on my own with 3 kids for 4-5 days a week. But then I look at this & can see God's hand. He put us here. He is guiding me. It is working. Yes, I miss Jeff when he's gone...like crazy. But things are going smoothly & everything is working good. So God must be doing this for us.
You know, I probably would say the same thing to someone in my situation. But now, I don't think I'll ever say that again. Now I see that if God puts me in a tough situation, He'll enable me "to do it!" He has plans for me that are higher than what I could even dream. I just can't think on that level so I just have to accept that if He put us on this path, He'll provide the way. So I know that I can do it if it is God's will for me!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Harder
So, it's the 2nd night of the 2nd week of Jeff being gone. It's harder. I'm finding I'm going to God more in prayer. I need His help. I don't have the strength to do this on my own. But God is merciful & is giving me the grace I need to make it through. I'm not sure why we are doing this, but I know that on the other side of this, I will know that God is faithful & that He alone is who carried me through this. Maybe that's why we have to go through this....so I'll be totally dependent upon God...and not Jeff or myself. Total dependence on God for His power, His presence, His peace & His protection. What more can I say but "God, I need You! I'm desperate for You!"
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
First Week almost over!
Well, tomorrow evening hubby will be home. The first week is almost over. It seems to have gone pretty good. The kids are missing daddy, but seem to be handling him being gone ok. I'm missing hubby but am coping ok. It's kind of strange in that this just seems normal. Maybe it's because this is just the first week & it's a short week. I hope all week are as easy as this. I start my days in prayer & Bible study & then we do school work with maybe a morning snack. Then we have lunch & then finish any schoolwork we didn't get done yet. Then it's free time for the kids. I catch up on email & then work on housework. Then it's supper time & then clean up time. Then snack & bedtime. I've been reading to the kids after prayers & read until the youngest 2 fall asleep (usually 15-20 minutes).
Oh & we usually talk to daddy 3-4 times a day with one or more of those times being via Skype. So it's not like we have to go without hearing or seeing daddy. I think that makes it easier.
Well, that's my life for now. God is good & continues to carry me through this.
Oh & we usually talk to daddy 3-4 times a day with one or more of those times being via Skype. So it's not like we have to go without hearing or seeing daddy. I think that makes it easier.
Well, that's my life for now. God is good & continues to carry me through this.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Day One is over!
The first day of hubby being gone has been a good one, but I'm so tired. Hubby & I were up until after midnight & had to get up at 4:30 in order to take him to the airport. All the kids were awake from the time we put them in the van until I got them out of the van at home. Jamie & David stayed awake all morning & played quietly while Jessie & I napped.
The kids for the most part seem to be handling it well. Jess keeps asking when's daddy getting home & I have to keep telling her not for 3 more days.
I am dealing ok, just extremely tired so I am heading to bed even though it is just 10pm. I do miss my cuddles though....
The kids for the most part seem to be handling it well. Jess keeps asking when's daddy getting home & I have to keep telling her not for 3 more days.
I am dealing ok, just extremely tired so I am heading to bed even though it is just 10pm. I do miss my cuddles though....
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The night before...
So It's the night before Hubby's first flight out for his new job. I'm finding myself a little anxious, not because I don't want him to go, but because I have so much to do to get him ready.
The other night I was really struggling with all this. All I could do was cry out to the Lord. I had to confess my self focus. I was focused on what I had to do to make all this work. It's not me! It has to be God. I can't do it. I'm too emotional & too selfish! I'm going to trust in God & His Word. That will the only way I can do this.
So as I walk this road, I will bury myself in God's Word & cry out to Him when I need hope. As Pastor Bryan said today, "Secure God's Word to your heart & you'll always have the hope you need to press forward." So God is going to be my hope & He will give me stability during the change ahead. And when God's Word becomes my stability, I will be come stability for others (namely my children).
The other night I was really struggling with all this. All I could do was cry out to the Lord. I had to confess my self focus. I was focused on what I had to do to make all this work. It's not me! It has to be God. I can't do it. I'm too emotional & too selfish! I'm going to trust in God & His Word. That will the only way I can do this.
So as I walk this road, I will bury myself in God's Word & cry out to Him when I need hope. As Pastor Bryan said today, "Secure God's Word to your heart & you'll always have the hope you need to press forward." So God is going to be my hope & He will give me stability during the change ahead. And when God's Word becomes my stability, I will be come stability for others (namely my children).
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
challenge - 100-fold harvest.
Did you know that we have been really blessed by God & that we are women of substance, not wimps, not superficial! Our life is to be lived out in relationship to God! through the study of HIS WORD! we've been called to live in the blessings of God! God's Word can yield a 100-fold harvest in our lives if we let it have maximum impact in our lives. How? Beth challenged us with 7 phrases to help us begin to let God work in us.
1. Treasure the wonder - we need to be in total awe of God & His Word. I have to confess that I fail to really treasure God. I become complacent & fail to fully comprehend that God, the creator of the universe, the Savior of the world gave me life just by speaking. He gives (breathes) life into me through His Word & there for I am competently competent to do anything He gives me to do! (2 Timothy 3:15-17)
2. Protect your heart - we have to protect it from the devil. He is real & wants to make sure we are ill-equipped to do what we were called to do. (Luke 8:12). I have to stand up to satan & tell him "My God spoke to me & it is not up for grabs!" What God gives me from the Word is mine & I can not let satan defeat me or convince me that God didn't really talk to me & that God won't be with me.
3. Expect the Test - we will be tested to see if we really believe it. God has told me that this change in front of my family is where He wants us...now, it is up to me to really believe it & to stand on God's Word when the doubts fly in & things get hard. (I Cor 10:13). God tests us to make us stand & Satan tempts us to make us fall!
4. Dig the Roots - by digging into the Word! Our roots are as deep as how much I'm convinced My Savior loves me! Wow - I'm so convicted by this. Am I really convinced my Savior loves me? Sometimes, I don't think I am...if I was, would I struggle with the next point?
5. Stop the Choke - anxiety chokes the Word right out of us! Here is where I struggle! I need to apply what Beth has said! The curative for anxiety is Prayer, prayer of the authority of God over what we are anxious about (Philippians 4:6). Anxiety really shows that we aren't bowed down to Christ! When I am anxious I am showing that I really don't believe God is the true authority over all. Ouch!
6.Retain the Word - I am so bad at this...Lord, help me to be in your Word & to meditate on it.
7. Press forth to your 100-fold Harvest - We need to persevere. Harvest is not in the instantaneous. We are to press forth & finish till the end!
The other things I was shown over the weekend was this - What I am going through & what God is bringing me through in NOT about me! It's about strengthening me & using me to minister to those around me & to show what God can do in you! It's time I came to the end of myself...I'm useless, I'm really pretty pathetic. BUT if I yield this pitiful life to God, He will strengthen me & He will use me to shine His Glory to others. If, through the hard time of being away from hubby & being a single parent during the week , God shines through me & others see Him in me then it is worth it all! God, help me to persevere in prayer, in faith, in Your vision through all the discouragement, chaos & trials! Help me to not live in hysteria & chaos, but in Freedom & Victory!!
Change
So, I don't like change but I find myself embracing it at this time even though in human terms the change really doesn't seem to make sense. I don't really know why this change is taking place. I mean, I know the new job has benefits which means hubby & I have insurance & will be able to go to the doctor which we haven't been able to for 3 years and we won't have to pay self-employment taxes & hopefully won't be in a hole again come tax time. But on the down side hubby will be gone every week....so that part doesn't make sense.
All through this though, I KNOW that this is where God wants us. And I have confidence God will work it out for his good (Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.").
All through this though, I KNOW that this is where God wants us. And I have confidence God will work it out for his good (Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.").
Monday, June 30, 2008
Being Real
Does anyone really know you? Do you struggle with who you seem to be on the outside & who you know you are on the inside? Do you feel you are such a bad person that you can't let anyone know the real you? Do you feel alone because you keep everyone from knowing the real you?
If those questions sound like something that runs through your mind, then I'm not alone :-) I struggle with being transparent with those around me. I don't like being vulnerable, I don't like exposing myself, I don't like myself at times. But God wants us to be transparent & to be real with those around us. How can our brothers & sisters in Christ come along side us if we don't let them?
So, I'm going to try to be more transparent. I'm going to try & be real. No more hiding behind masks. It's hard to step out & be myself, especially when I don't always like myself.
I'm selfish - I want "my time", I do what's easiest for me a lot of time.
I'm proud - I don't want others to see me at my worst.
I'm lazy - I'd rather sit on my computer or in front of the tv than do work around the house or exercise.
I'm weak - I give into the pain & depression sometimes.
I'm so desperate for God! I need Him! My life is so pitiful. I try to run it. I think I'm in control, that I know what's best. I know nothing! I make things worse! If only I really trusted God, I'd truly follow Him! I wouldn't worry & I wouldn't struggle! God tells us that He works all things for Good in our lives (Romans 8:28). I need to trust, really trust, that everything He allows to come into my life is for Good. It may not be easy (dealing with chronic pain), or it may be a joy (playing with my children). It may hurt (dealing with depression) or it may heal (attending Bible study with my friends). No matter the road I must trust that God is in control. He is the Ultimate Creator, the Savior & King of Kings! All I can do is worship Him! Praise God of all creation! The Maker of Heaven & Earth. I'm desperate for You! I'm nothing without You! ( I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5)
If those questions sound like something that runs through your mind, then I'm not alone :-) I struggle with being transparent with those around me. I don't like being vulnerable, I don't like exposing myself, I don't like myself at times. But God wants us to be transparent & to be real with those around us. How can our brothers & sisters in Christ come along side us if we don't let them?
So, I'm going to try to be more transparent. I'm going to try & be real. No more hiding behind masks. It's hard to step out & be myself, especially when I don't always like myself.
I'm selfish - I want "my time", I do what's easiest for me a lot of time.
I'm proud - I don't want others to see me at my worst.
I'm lazy - I'd rather sit on my computer or in front of the tv than do work around the house or exercise.
I'm weak - I give into the pain & depression sometimes.
I'm so desperate for God! I need Him! My life is so pitiful. I try to run it. I think I'm in control, that I know what's best. I know nothing! I make things worse! If only I really trusted God, I'd truly follow Him! I wouldn't worry & I wouldn't struggle! God tells us that He works all things for Good in our lives (Romans 8:28). I need to trust, really trust, that everything He allows to come into my life is for Good. It may not be easy (dealing with chronic pain), or it may be a joy (playing with my children). It may hurt (dealing with depression) or it may heal (attending Bible study with my friends). No matter the road I must trust that God is in control. He is the Ultimate Creator, the Savior & King of Kings! All I can do is worship Him! Praise God of all creation! The Maker of Heaven & Earth. I'm desperate for You! I'm nothing without You! ( I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Rules for Lasting Marriage
Hubby & I are coming up on the 20th anniversary of our first date (Sept. 2, 1988). I can't believe it's been 20 years. As I look back, there's times I can't believe we made it. At other times it seems like it's been a breeze. We've had our share of fights, but we've always made up. We've had our hard times (lost jobs, health issues, etc.) and our great times (births of 3 kids, wonderful anniversaries, etc.).
These are my rules for a lasting marriage:
1. Put God first - if it wasn't for Him guiding us, even when we weren't paying attention, we wouldn't be together now. Have others pray for you & your marriage (we have felt the prayers!)
2. A sense of humor - being able to laugh at ourselves & with each other is a big help in a relationship. Life is too serious not to be able to laugh. Have fun with each other.
3. Become best friends - my hubby IS, without a doubt, my best friend. There is no one I'd rather be with. No one who can make me smile like he can. No one who can take his place.
4. Spend time together - how can you love someone if you don't spend time together. Sometimes that means taking up hobbies/interests that he likes & forgoing your own. Sometimes that means dropping what you are doing to go with him (even if you sit in the car & wait on him).
5. Never going to bed angry - life's too short to waste it mad at each other, especially when you're mad over stupid, little things. If you're mad, talk it out. And DON'T walk away! Make up - it's fun!!
6. Putting each other first, even over the kids - We love our kids, but our relationship with each other comes before the kids. We make time to have date nights. We take time to have weekends away just the 2 of us! Only when the 2 of us are right, does our family fall in place correctly.
7. Don't let others come between you - whether it be friends, parents, or co-workers. Don't let what others say about your spouse or what they have supposedly done, come between you. Talk it out with your spouse. Some people just like to start trouble or want to see you fail.
8. Love each other - emotionally & physically! (Email me if you need explanation!)
9. Stick together when things get hard - trials & problems will come. It's a part of life. But when they come, cling to each other & God! Don't blame each other, don't criticize! Talk it out!
10. Appreciate each other - & tell each other that! Let your spouse know you love them & what you love about them. Compliment them, flirt with them, make them feel special (because they are!). Make your praises more abundant than your criticisms.
11. Never say a bad word about your spouse to anyone else - respect each other enough to only say the best about each other. Spouse slamming is not good! It always gets back to your spouse & only hurts your relationship.
12. Don't over react when they snap at you. Sometimes it's not you. They may have had a bad day or been stressed. Find out all the details before you take offense & get angry or hurt!
Just a few simple rules that has helped us last almost 20 years & will help us last hopefully another 20 or more years!
(I love you honey! You are better than my wildest dreams! I don't know what I'd do without you!)
These are my rules for a lasting marriage:
1. Put God first - if it wasn't for Him guiding us, even when we weren't paying attention, we wouldn't be together now. Have others pray for you & your marriage (we have felt the prayers!)
2. A sense of humor - being able to laugh at ourselves & with each other is a big help in a relationship. Life is too serious not to be able to laugh. Have fun with each other.
3. Become best friends - my hubby IS, without a doubt, my best friend. There is no one I'd rather be with. No one who can make me smile like he can. No one who can take his place.
4. Spend time together - how can you love someone if you don't spend time together. Sometimes that means taking up hobbies/interests that he likes & forgoing your own. Sometimes that means dropping what you are doing to go with him (even if you sit in the car & wait on him).
5. Never going to bed angry - life's too short to waste it mad at each other, especially when you're mad over stupid, little things. If you're mad, talk it out. And DON'T walk away! Make up - it's fun!!
6. Putting each other first, even over the kids - We love our kids, but our relationship with each other comes before the kids. We make time to have date nights. We take time to have weekends away just the 2 of us! Only when the 2 of us are right, does our family fall in place correctly.
7. Don't let others come between you - whether it be friends, parents, or co-workers. Don't let what others say about your spouse or what they have supposedly done, come between you. Talk it out with your spouse. Some people just like to start trouble or want to see you fail.
8. Love each other - emotionally & physically! (Email me if you need explanation!)
9. Stick together when things get hard - trials & problems will come. It's a part of life. But when they come, cling to each other & God! Don't blame each other, don't criticize! Talk it out!
10. Appreciate each other - & tell each other that! Let your spouse know you love them & what you love about them. Compliment them, flirt with them, make them feel special (because they are!). Make your praises more abundant than your criticisms.
11. Never say a bad word about your spouse to anyone else - respect each other enough to only say the best about each other. Spouse slamming is not good! It always gets back to your spouse & only hurts your relationship.
12. Don't over react when they snap at you. Sometimes it's not you. They may have had a bad day or been stressed. Find out all the details before you take offense & get angry or hurt!
Just a few simple rules that has helped us last almost 20 years & will help us last hopefully another 20 or more years!
(I love you honey! You are better than my wildest dreams! I don't know what I'd do without you!)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Photo career or not?
So, I love to take pictures. If you look at my website, www.jelejada.com, you can see all my pictures. I've had several people tell me lately that I should go into business as a photographer. I have no clue how to even start. So, do you think I'm good? Do you have any ideas on how to start? Leave me comments on these questions.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Moving beyond myself or It's not all about me!
What happens when you let God move you beyond yourself? More than you'd ever imagine.
I, by nature, am a very selfish person. I don't like to admit this, but it is the truth. I am stingy with my time. I don't want to help others. I want to only do things that benefit me. I want my "me" time, my stuff, my way!
But, by the Grace of God, I'm learning to move beyond myself. It's hard. It's a constant struggle to let God have control of me. I want to do things my way. I have to daily, no-minute by minute, ask God to take control & make me to be what He wants me to be. When I pry my fingers off my life & the things in my life & hold those things up to God, some pretty amazing things happen.
First, I'm filled with joy! Indescribable, unnatural joy. I'm not just happy, I'm overwhelmed by joy, God's joy (I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:11).
Then I have Peace. God's Peace (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27). This peace makes no sense. I am calm even in the midst of crisis. I have no fear of the unknown When normally I would panic, I don't. I just know deep in my soul that God is in control & will work everything out for good (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28).
I also have a desire to serve God & others. This is totally out of my nature. Normally, I just want to do the easy thing which is to not help anyone & not talk to anyone. But I just thank God that He is moving me beyond self. I truly want to help others now. I love to be behind the scenes & do menial tasks that make others shine. I'm going to give a few examples, not to make myself look good, but to show you how God is working in me.
I have been helping with my daughter's dance program, One49. The easy way & the way I would chose normally, is to just drop her off at practice & not really care what is going on with the program and to just come to her recital & leave. But God has laid on my heart a great love for this program. Bess has made it more than just a dance class. She is teaching the girls to love God, to serve God, to be modest, to be loving & to praise God with their dance. She pours herself into One49 with all she has. God has shown me that I need to pray for Bess, for the girls & for the program. But I need to do more than just pray. I have to put action behind the prayers. I make myself available to help Bess in whatever way she needs. It would definitely be easier to not do any of this, but I miss out on the blessings. My family & I have developed a wonderful friendship with Bess & her family. I get the blessing of watching Bess's baby daughter during dance. I get to help set up the classroom for the girls & to pray for each of their lives. I have the privilege of setting up, baking cookies & running sound for the recital. Why is this such a privilege? Because it is at this recital that God is glorified & His Word is proclaimed & He is praised. To be allowed to participate in this kind of program has changed me.
Another area I have learned not to be selfish in is my home life. I am learning that by giving up "me" time, by giving up my desire to do my own thing, I am gaining such a wonderful life. I am privileged to be wife to a wonderful hubby & mother to 3 amazing kids. If I remain selfish, I miss out on the little moments. I'm like an outsider just watching my family. So I have to chose to let God love through me & then I can be a part of this wonderful family. I get to nurture the kids & teach them God's Word. I get to love my hubby & to support him and encourage him.
I'm not really sure why this subject is on my mind today. Maybe it is in response to all the people that seem to think I am doing something special by helping others. It's not me! It's God! He is working through me & moving me beyond myself and making me a blessing to others. So don't thank me if I've helped you recently. All the thanks goes to God! Praise Him! Then pray for me that I will continue to hold my life and the things & people in my life in my open hands that are extended to God!
I, by nature, am a very selfish person. I don't like to admit this, but it is the truth. I am stingy with my time. I don't want to help others. I want to only do things that benefit me. I want my "me" time, my stuff, my way!
But, by the Grace of God, I'm learning to move beyond myself. It's hard. It's a constant struggle to let God have control of me. I want to do things my way. I have to daily, no-minute by minute, ask God to take control & make me to be what He wants me to be. When I pry my fingers off my life & the things in my life & hold those things up to God, some pretty amazing things happen.
First, I'm filled with joy! Indescribable, unnatural joy. I'm not just happy, I'm overwhelmed by joy, God's joy (I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:11).
Then I have Peace. God's Peace (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27). This peace makes no sense. I am calm even in the midst of crisis. I have no fear of the unknown When normally I would panic, I don't. I just know deep in my soul that God is in control & will work everything out for good (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28).
I also have a desire to serve God & others. This is totally out of my nature. Normally, I just want to do the easy thing which is to not help anyone & not talk to anyone. But I just thank God that He is moving me beyond self. I truly want to help others now. I love to be behind the scenes & do menial tasks that make others shine. I'm going to give a few examples, not to make myself look good, but to show you how God is working in me.
I have been helping with my daughter's dance program, One49. The easy way & the way I would chose normally, is to just drop her off at practice & not really care what is going on with the program and to just come to her recital & leave. But God has laid on my heart a great love for this program. Bess has made it more than just a dance class. She is teaching the girls to love God, to serve God, to be modest, to be loving & to praise God with their dance. She pours herself into One49 with all she has. God has shown me that I need to pray for Bess, for the girls & for the program. But I need to do more than just pray. I have to put action behind the prayers. I make myself available to help Bess in whatever way she needs. It would definitely be easier to not do any of this, but I miss out on the blessings. My family & I have developed a wonderful friendship with Bess & her family. I get the blessing of watching Bess's baby daughter during dance. I get to help set up the classroom for the girls & to pray for each of their lives. I have the privilege of setting up, baking cookies & running sound for the recital. Why is this such a privilege? Because it is at this recital that God is glorified & His Word is proclaimed & He is praised. To be allowed to participate in this kind of program has changed me.
Another area I have learned not to be selfish in is my home life. I am learning that by giving up "me" time, by giving up my desire to do my own thing, I am gaining such a wonderful life. I am privileged to be wife to a wonderful hubby & mother to 3 amazing kids. If I remain selfish, I miss out on the little moments. I'm like an outsider just watching my family. So I have to chose to let God love through me & then I can be a part of this wonderful family. I get to nurture the kids & teach them God's Word. I get to love my hubby & to support him and encourage him.
I'm not really sure why this subject is on my mind today. Maybe it is in response to all the people that seem to think I am doing something special by helping others. It's not me! It's God! He is working through me & moving me beyond myself and making me a blessing to others. So don't thank me if I've helped you recently. All the thanks goes to God! Praise Him! Then pray for me that I will continue to hold my life and the things & people in my life in my open hands that are extended to God!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Luckiest Girl in the World
Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize just how blessed you are? I'm sitting here listening to it rain & am overwhelmed by the fact that I have a big wonderful house that keeps us dry & warm.
Then as I listen to the kids playing, 3 more blessings come to mind. So many people struggle to have children & I have 3 wonderful, healthy children. They may need disciplined sometimes, but overall they are really great kids.
I have a wonderful family that loves me & supports me. I couldn't ask for more wonderful parents or in-laws. They all love God & teach my children that love. They love to take the kids when Hubby & I need to do things. I also have a wonderful brother & sister-in-law who share their farm with us! If it wasn't for them, my kids would not know anything about the country & farm life!
I am blessed to have a church that teaches the Bible. Our church is our family. They support us & love us. They love my kids & all the teachers really care about them & their spiritual walk. I have friends that love me & my family & make sure I am walking the right path! (Thank you!!)
But my biggest blessing here on earth is my hubby. I don't know how I landed him, but he's one of a kind! He loves me! He is not only my hubby, but he is my best friend. I love hanging out with him &
spending time with him. He knows how to make me laugh when I really need it. He knows how to de-stress me, & how to get me to talk. He provides for me & the kids. He spoils me! He puts up with all my faults & goofs. He leads our family & works hard to make sure we are cared for. He helps around the house & he plays with the kids! I know I make him sound perfect, but he isn't. None of us are. We have our share of disagreements but no matter what, I know he loves me! (even when I don't always show love to him!) At the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather be with. He's my knight in shining armour! He rescues me from myself & I love him so much!
You know, I don't know why God has blessed me so much. I just know that I love God & He blesses those who love Him (Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3) I am going to sit here & count my blessings & praise God for every one of them. That is the perfect thing to do on a rainy, dreary day that would normally cause me to be down. So the next time you feel down, why don't you join me & count your blessings. You might find out you are the luckiest girl (or guy) in the world!
Then as I listen to the kids playing, 3 more blessings come to mind. So many people struggle to have children & I have 3 wonderful, healthy children. They may need disciplined sometimes, but overall they are really great kids.
I have a wonderful family that loves me & supports me. I couldn't ask for more wonderful parents or in-laws. They all love God & teach my children that love. They love to take the kids when Hubby & I need to do things. I also have a wonderful brother & sister-in-law who share their farm with us! If it wasn't for them, my kids would not know anything about the country & farm life!I am blessed to have a church that teaches the Bible. Our church is our family. They support us & love us. They love my kids & all the teachers really care about them & their spiritual walk. I have friends that love me & my family & make sure I am walking the right path! (Thank you!!)
But my biggest blessing here on earth is my hubby. I don't know how I landed him, but he's one of a kind! He loves me! He is not only my hubby, but he is my best friend. I love hanging out with him &
spending time with him. He knows how to make me laugh when I really need it. He knows how to de-stress me, & how to get me to talk. He provides for me & the kids. He spoils me! He puts up with all my faults & goofs. He leads our family & works hard to make sure we are cared for. He helps around the house & he plays with the kids! I know I make him sound perfect, but he isn't. None of us are. We have our share of disagreements but no matter what, I know he loves me! (even when I don't always show love to him!) At the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather be with. He's my knight in shining armour! He rescues me from myself & I love him so much!
You know, I don't know why God has blessed me so much. I just know that I love God & He blesses those who love Him (Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3) I am going to sit here & count my blessings & praise God for every one of them. That is the perfect thing to do on a rainy, dreary day that would normally cause me to be down. So the next time you feel down, why don't you join me & count your blessings. You might find out you are the luckiest girl (or guy) in the world!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Where do I draw my strength from?
Today has been a day that I would rather be in bed. I'm achy (fibromyalgia flare caused by the cold air) and I'm fighting a headache. The headache makes me want to crawl in bed & just stay there. But, I can't. Hubby works noon to 10pm today. So I've had to be alert & focused on the kids. So, how do I do it?
It's hard, but my strength comes from the Lord. "I love You Lord, my strength!"(Psalm 18:1) "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16)
I cry out to God during these times of pain & misery. He has never failed me yet! Some days, He eases the pain. Some days He just gives me extra-ordinary strength to prevail over the pain. Other days, He just holds me as I walk through the pain. But God is always faithful to give me a way through it.
So today I will cling to my Savior & He will be my strength! He is all I need. He is all you need! "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)
It's hard, but my strength comes from the Lord. "I love You Lord, my strength!"(Psalm 18:1) "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16)
I cry out to God during these times of pain & misery. He has never failed me yet! Some days, He eases the pain. Some days He just gives me extra-ordinary strength to prevail over the pain. Other days, He just holds me as I walk through the pain. But God is always faithful to give me a way through it.
So today I will cling to my Savior & He will be my strength! He is all I need. He is all you need! "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Where have I been?
So, I stink at keeping this thing updated. I really need to stay on top of it, but I just can't seem to do it reliably. This week, I'll blame it on my hubby's schedule. He's working crazy hours so my schedule & the kids' schedules are all thrown off. It's a good thing our school year is officially over. We still have a few days worth of work to finish off our books for this year, but we have our 180 days in already.
We grilled out this afternoon & enjoyed the beautiful weather. The kids' had a blast playing on the playground. Then we did a little schoolwork with Princess while Little Princes & D-Dog picked up toys. Then we ate supper. Then Miss Elaine came over. She & I watched a movie while the kids played Legos upstairs. They played together so well today.
Little Princess sat on the potty today - 3 times. This is a big success as previously she would just walk into the bathroom & look at the potty chair & scream. I got her a seat that goes on the big toilet & she cried a little when I put her on it, but quickly calmed down so I could read to her. She got a sticker each time she sat on the potty. We put a yellow (her favorite color) piece of paper on the wall by the bathroom door so she could put her stickers on it. This is a start! Hopefully she will catch on & start asking to "go potty".
The kids are all in bed now & Hubby won't be home for another hour. So I am going to go relax & watch a little tv. Have a wonderful night!
We grilled out this afternoon & enjoyed the beautiful weather. The kids' had a blast playing on the playground. Then we did a little schoolwork with Princess while Little Princes & D-Dog picked up toys. Then we ate supper. Then Miss Elaine came over. She & I watched a movie while the kids played Legos upstairs. They played together so well today.
Little Princess sat on the potty today - 3 times. This is a big success as previously she would just walk into the bathroom & look at the potty chair & scream. I got her a seat that goes on the big toilet & she cried a little when I put her on it, but quickly calmed down so I could read to her. She got a sticker each time she sat on the potty. We put a yellow (her favorite color) piece of paper on the wall by the bathroom door so she could put her stickers on it. This is a start! Hopefully she will catch on & start asking to "go potty".
The kids are all in bed now & Hubby won't be home for another hour. So I am going to go relax & watch a little tv. Have a wonderful night!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
The Party's Over
All is quiet! The party is over, the guests have all left & the kids are all in bed. Ahhhh!
It's been a busy day! I got up a little after 7am & worked on the kids' cake. I think it turned out pretty good!
Princess & D-Dog got a lot of presents from Grandma, Grandpa & Uncle Neal; Mamaw & Papaw and Uncle Bob & Aunt Wendy, and Elaine & Us.
Well, the day is over & I am headed for some snuggle time with DH before bed. Tomorrow is a busy day - church!!
It's been a busy day! I got up a little after 7am & worked on the kids' cake. I think it turned out pretty good!
Princess & D-Dog got a lot of presents from Grandma, Grandpa & Uncle Neal; Mamaw & Papaw and Uncle Bob & Aunt Wendy, and Elaine & Us.
Well, the day is over & I am headed for some snuggle time with DH before bed. Tomorrow is a busy day - church!!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Birthday Madness
April is crazy! D-dog & Princess both have birthdays in April. D-dog is now 5 & Princess will be 8 on Tuesday. So, tomorrow is their combined birthday party. Fortunately this year, Easter was early so it a little less hectic! Tomorrow or Sunday I will update with photos of the party.
The last few days have been crazy. DH is working afternoon/evenings so that throws our schedule off. Then the weather has been so nice the kids don't want to do school work! Plus I'm in the mist of cleaning for the party. It's not like it's a big party. It's just my parents, my in-laws, my bro & sil & then my friend Elaine. Still, my kitchen is a mess. It's amazing how much stuff just gets brought home & left on the island, table & deep freeze. It doesn't help much that DH & I are pack rats. It is amazing how much stuff we have stuck in boxes around the house that we haven't touched in years! Plus we have all our homeschool stuff. It is amazing how much stuff we do have. So many wonderful friends have given us stuff to use in the future for school.
You know, I'm sitting her posting when I should be putting laundry away or cleaning the kitchen or running to the store to get cake supplies! I need to back the kids' cake this afternoon so I can decorate it either this evening or in the morning. I am actually enjoying sitting here. Princess is downstairs doing math with DH, D-Dog is in our room playing Lego Star Wars & Little Princess is downstairs watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Since everyone is occupied with something, that means this is a perfect opportunity for me to run to the store. So off I go & you all have a wonderful day!
The last few days have been crazy. DH is working afternoon/evenings so that throws our schedule off. Then the weather has been so nice the kids don't want to do school work! Plus I'm in the mist of cleaning for the party. It's not like it's a big party. It's just my parents, my in-laws, my bro & sil & then my friend Elaine. Still, my kitchen is a mess. It's amazing how much stuff just gets brought home & left on the island, table & deep freeze. It doesn't help much that DH & I are pack rats. It is amazing how much stuff we have stuck in boxes around the house that we haven't touched in years! Plus we have all our homeschool stuff. It is amazing how much stuff we do have. So many wonderful friends have given us stuff to use in the future for school.
You know, I'm sitting her posting when I should be putting laundry away or cleaning the kitchen or running to the store to get cake supplies! I need to back the kids' cake this afternoon so I can decorate it either this evening or in the morning. I am actually enjoying sitting here. Princess is downstairs doing math with DH, D-Dog is in our room playing Lego Star Wars & Little Princess is downstairs watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Since everyone is occupied with something, that means this is a perfect opportunity for me to run to the store. So off I go & you all have a wonderful day!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Bird in the house!
Last night, our friend Elaine was over. She is getting ready to leave & as we open the front door, a bird flies in the house. The 3 of us (Elaine, Hubby & I) proceed to try & get this bird out of the house. She is scared & flying in all directions. Every time she flies toward one of us, we jump. (Note that during all this commotion, our youngest is sound asleep on the couch & the older 2 are upstairs absorbed in Lego StarWars on the GameCube!) She flies into the kitchen & we follow her. Now we can't see her. Then we spot her on my fake plant on top of the upper cabinets. Hubby throws a towel at the plant & she flies up & over toward the open back door & then back to the counter top. Every time she flies toward the living room, I wave a Purdue blanket to encourage her toward the back door. After about 10 minutes of this, we finally get her out the back door. If I had been thinking, I would have grabbed the video camera. It would have made a great entry for America's Funniest Videos!
After we all calm down & Elaine decides to leave again, we cautiously open the front door. That's when I realize my real wreath from Christmas is still on the door. So I pull it off & throw it in my flower bed. This morning I realized the bird had had a nest on top of the wreath. No wonder she flew into the house, we had startled her from her home!
Lesson learned, unless you want a bird flying into your house from her nest on the door, take your wreath down before spring arrives!!
After we all calm down & Elaine decides to leave again, we cautiously open the front door. That's when I realize my real wreath from Christmas is still on the door. So I pull it off & throw it in my flower bed. This morning I realized the bird had had a nest on top of the wreath. No wonder she flew into the house, we had startled her from her home!
Lesson learned, unless you want a bird flying into your house from her nest on the door, take your wreath down before spring arrives!!
Friday, April 4, 2008
Do you ever have days where you'd rather just stay in bed? Today is one of those. I have fibromyalgia & it's been raining & storming so I'm really achy and fighting a headache. But, I am up & moving because I have 3 little ones to watch. Well not really little...
JE is sitting at the school table doing her grammar & critical thinking worksheets. She'd rather be playing with the younger two. JR has climbed up on her sister's top bunk & is yelling for help to get down. She is now down thanks to me :-) D is constantly bugging his sisters.
It is almost 11:30 & we still have to do Science. It seems like we can not get on track this week with school work. Everyone is getting spring fever!
We have a busy afternoon. We need to finish our school work, get toys picked up, & work on laundry before Dad gets home. Then we have to go pick up our new van from the dealer. Then Miss E might come over & watch TV tonight with us.
Well, JE is done with her worksheets so we are headed downstairs to eat lunch. Catch up with you all later!
JE is sitting at the school table doing her grammar & critical thinking worksheets. She'd rather be playing with the younger two. JR has climbed up on her sister's top bunk & is yelling for help to get down. She is now down thanks to me :-) D is constantly bugging his sisters.
It is almost 11:30 & we still have to do Science. It seems like we can not get on track this week with school work. Everyone is getting spring fever!
We have a busy afternoon. We need to finish our school work, get toys picked up, & work on laundry before Dad gets home. Then we have to go pick up our new van from the dealer. Then Miss E might come over & watch TV tonight with us.
Well, JE is done with her worksheets so we are headed downstairs to eat lunch. Catch up with you all later!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
So it Begins...
So, this is my attempt to actually start blogging. Not sure if anyone except me will find my life fascinating :-). Life at our house is interesting. I am married to a wonderful hubby & we have 3 children. Our oldest girl is going to be 8 in a few weeks (how did that happen so quick!). Our son will be 5 in one week. Our youngest girl is 2 1/2.
The rest of our time is spent doing school work (we homeschool) & spending time together as a family. Well, I am off to teach Science to the kids...See ya again soon!
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