Monday, June 30, 2008

Being Real

Does anyone really know you? Do you struggle with who you seem to be on the outside & who you know you are on the inside? Do you feel you are such a bad person that you can't let anyone know the real you? Do you feel alone because you keep everyone from knowing the real you?

If those questions sound like something that runs through your mind, then I'm not alone :-) I struggle with being transparent with those around me. I don't like being vulnerable, I don't like exposing myself, I don't like myself at times. But God wants us to be transparent & to be real with those around us. How can our brothers & sisters in Christ come along side us if we don't let them?

So, I'm going to try to be more transparent. I'm going to try & be real. No more hiding behind masks. It's hard to step out & be myself, especially when I don't always like myself.

I'm selfish - I want "my time", I do what's easiest for me a lot of time.
I'm proud - I don't want others to see me at my worst.
I'm lazy - I'd rather sit on my computer or in front of the tv than do work around the house or exercise.
I'm weak - I give into the pain & depression sometimes.

I'm so desperate for God! I need Him! My life is so pitiful. I try to run it. I think I'm in control, that I know what's best. I know nothing! I make things worse! If only I really trusted God, I'd truly follow Him! I wouldn't worry & I wouldn't struggle! God tells us that He works all things for Good in our lives (Romans 8:28). I need to trust, really trust, that everything He allows to come into my life is for Good. It may not be easy (dealing with chronic pain), or it may be a joy (playing with my children). It may hurt (dealing with depression) or it may heal (attending Bible study with my friends). No matter the road I must trust that God is in control. He is the Ultimate Creator, the Savior & King of Kings! All I can do is worship Him! Praise God of all creation! The Maker of Heaven & Earth. I'm desperate for You! I'm nothing without You! ( I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5)

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