Trusting & letting go of control!

God tells us again & again to trust in Him, to fear not, to worry not because He loves us & cares for us! But in our human nature, that is so hard! Time & time again, I pick those worries & fears up instead of leaving them at His feet.

I finally figured out why I struggle with trust. It's because I think I know best. I think if I'm in control of it all, then I can work it all out the way I want things to come out. Only 1 thing wrong with this thinking, I'm NOT in control of anything. I think I am, but I'm not.

Sometimes I think I must really be a source of absolute amusement for God. He must sit there just shaking His head at me while trying not to laugh while I'm trying to do everything & be everything to everyone. Much like I get amused when one of my kids try to do an adult task that they clearly have no ability to master.

The longer I live, the more I realize that I have absolutely no control over anything. Only God does! Since He knows all & sees all, I can trust Him to lead me where I need to go.

I share all this so I can tell you about my weekend. We had homeschool conference in Cincy on Thursday through Saturday. 6 hrs on Thursday, 14 hrs on Friday & 9 hrs on Saturday of walking, looking at curriculum, sitting in workshops & being around thousands of people. Follow this up with a very busy Sunday which included Hubby heading off for his first travel assignment in 3 months!

Amazing! That's the only word to describe it! I still hurt, I still was tired & I still had a few moments of total neurological overload. BUT I had such peace & knew God was carrying me through each moment of the weekend. I made it through the conference & even was able to help with a reception at church on Sunday & have kids over to play. I made it through! And I'm not crashing today! I'm sore & tired but not completely crashing!I started to stress over this all last week. But decided that God knew I was in a Fibromyalgia flare-up & knew all the weekend involved. So, I decided to trust Him. I asked my prayer warrior friends & family to pray for me. Then I resolved to trust God & head into the long weekend activities.

I can not find the words to adequately thank God for carrying me through! I'm so thankful to all my faithful prayer warriors for their part in this weekend! What a difference it made!

 

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Things I wish I could have told my teenage self!

I think about this topic a lot lately. I have lots of teens & young adults in my life. I see myself in their shoes. So many of them struggle with things I struggled with. Things that really weren't important in the long term. So here is the list of things I would go back in time & tell myself:

1. Don't worry about dating! - I am no longer the person I was in high school. The things I wanted in a guy then is not what I wanted when I started thinking about marriage. I wish I had worried less about dating & more about hanging out with friends. How could I even think of loving someone else when at that time I didn't really know what love was. I wasted so much time & so many tears on guys who were not Husband material.

2. Focus on finding out who God made me to be! - I wish I had spent more time getting to know God & exploring the gifts He equipped me with. I wish I would have found a mentor to study God's Word with. I wish I would have tried serving in different capacities in my church to find out what my gifts were. I also wish I had memorized more scripture. It is much harder to memorize when you are in your 40s!

3. Don't worry about being popular! - when in high school, there is lots of pressure to be in the in crowd. I wish I had worried less about that & instead cultured my friendships with those I had common interests. Once you get out of school, you look for those who like the same things you do. You never again try to force yourself to be friends with people just because you are the same age. You choose friends who have the same beliefs, or who have the same career or who live in the same area.

4. Stop trying to grow up so fast! - I remember as a teen wishing time would fly & I could be out of this stage of life. Now I look back & wish I could go back. That time had less responsibility & worry. If I had focused on what I could do back then, I might have enjoyed it more.

5. Start good habits! - I wish I had started exercising regularly & eating healthier back then. I also wish I had learned good money management skills. It's easier to start good habits when you are younger & harder to break bad habits when you are older.

6. Listen to your parents! - I know I thought mine didn't understand me, but now I see that they did. They could see a bigger picture of life. They knew there was more to life than high school. They didn't always do things right, as they were human after all. But they always had my best interests at heart.

7. You do not have to be like everyone else! - I think the biggest lie I believed as a teen was that I needed to be just like everyone else. Guess what? There is no "normal" person. God made each person unique & most teens feel like they are different. You have a choice: try to be just like everyone else or embrace your uniqueness & be happy with who you are. This goes back to point 2. By focusing on God's Word & learning about His love for you, you will be able to embrace life & become who He made you to be.

Life as a teen is hard. I struggled emotionally. But God was Faithful! He helped me to stay strong & faithful in my walk with Him. Because of Him, my life became a witness to those I grew up with. If you lean on Him, study His Word & find some other Christians to encourage you, God will use you too!! Seeing God work in my life over the years makes life exciting! I eagerly anticipate what God will do next in my life.

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Honest talk about pain & struggles!

I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot. I'm not supposed to. And I'm definitely not supposed to talk about struggling... WHAT????!!

Ever feel like that? Ever feel like that since you are a Christian, you are to live this perfect life where every thing is rosy & you have no problems? For some crazy reason, we Christians think that just because we accept Christ as our Savior, suddenly everything in life is perfect. And if it's not, we feel like we've failed God & everyone around us.

Life isn't perfect. Jesus even told us we would have troubles. John 16:33 says "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Jesus said we will have trouble. He didn't say come to me & all trouble will disappear. He said come to me so I can give you peace when you have trouble.

Why do we have troubles, pains, imperfections, etc? I truly believe a lot of it is because we live in a world ravaged by sin. Sin destroyed God's perfect creation. This world is flawed. Because of this, we will have storms, natural disasters, imperfect people, sickness & strife. But sometimes we have troubles because God wants to bring us to our knees & have us confess sin in our lives. It could also be that God has allowed Satan to sift us so that God will be glorified. We may never know the why? behind our suffering/struggling.

But we can know the God of the universe, the Creator, the Savior of the world who gives peace! The peace God gives is beyond explanation! In John 14:27, Jesus says " Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

This peace is not the absence of troubles or suffering. This peace is a calmness of soul, spirit & mind. It's a gentle inward assurance that even though things look bad, real bad, God is still in control and He will carry me through this.

How do I know this is true? Because I've experienced it first hand, time and time again. My story is not unique. It is one many people around the world experience. Mine is one of a body wracked with physical pain. It may not be your story for each story is unique. But whatever your story, Jesus is Here! He's waiting to give you Peace!

I've had pain since I was a child. I can't remember a time when I didn't hurt. But I've always known God was there to carry me through the pain. My pain has been given many names & progressed in severity over time - growing pains, cystic arthritis, fibromyalgia & now maybe something more severe & damaging. I go through a period of struggle each time it gets worse and I wait for a new diagnosis.

I wonder "why me?" I cry out in fear for strength. I question God. Yes, I said "I question God!" He's big enough to handle my questions. I don't blame God, but I do ask why me? Why now? Sometimes the only answer I get is "Trust ME!" and somehow it's enough.

As I look back, I can see how this life of physical pain has drawn me closer to Jesus! When doctors & loved ones can give you NO relief, Jesus is the One who can! It may only be Peace of mind & strength to endure the pain or it may be an easing of the pain. But His relief is always what I need!

I can honestly say I would not trade one bit of my life! Yes, it has been painful at times. But without the pain, I might have walked away from My Savior! Without those sleepless nights, I might not have had time to pray for others! Without my experiences with pain, I might not be able to encourage others in pain & assure them that God WILL carry them through. Without my pain, I would not KNOW that God is all I need!

Dad's Garden

Last week I posted my garden pics. This week I spent time at my parents' & in my Dad's garden. So I thought I'd share about it. My Dad plants a large garden every year. As he plants, he prays that God will make it grow. Dad plants & then gives away what God produces. He says it is the least he can do. I love my Dad's servant heart! Dad's garden is about 1 acre in size. 

Here is some Watermelon. This was a later planting than most the garden.

One of the pumpkin plants. Should be ready right before Halloween.

This is the cantaloupe patch. It is loaded with melons.

Dad is trying celery this year.

Here is one of his first cabbage plants.

Dad's beets!

Yummy Green Onions!

2nd planting of cabbage.

Pepper plant. If you look close you can see a pepper!

Potato plants. White, red & yellow potatoes. 

The raised bed is full of rhubarb. Behind that is the sweet potatoes.

I believe this is some okra.

One of the sweet potato plants. I think they are absolutely beautiful.

Green beans! On this side of garden dad has 4 long rows, 1 half row & 6 short rows. At bottom of picture you can see a few purple kohlrabi plants.

Dad has lots of sweet corn. Some of it is regular & some of it is red sweet corn that David talked him into planting.

At the back of the garden is several more potato plants as well as 4-5 more rows of green beans.

One of the green bean rows that I helped dad pick this past week.

Each plant was loaded with beans.

One of the zucchini plants.

One of the yellow squash plants.

One of the cucumber plants. This past week mom & Jamie made sweet & dill pickles from them. They are yummy!

Kohlrabi! Dad planted this for my hubby.

We picked the first kohlrabi this week. Hubby said they were yummy.

As we were picking beans, we had company from one of my mom's many cats. She'd sneak in & lay under the plants & scare us!

Dad planted his tomato plants in front of the barn. They are actually as tall as the roof but they are weighed down with tomatoes!

Dad also planted tomatoes at the house in his flower bed.

Dad has orange cherry tomatoes ready! They are yummy!

Hope you enjoyed the tour of my Dad's garden. I enjoy spending time helping him as do my kids for a little while. We are all enjoying the fruits (well, really vegetables) of his labor. We are so thankful to God for the bounty He has produced so that we can share it with those in need.

Struggling

As I sit here typing, the sky is calm for the moment. But my body is not. Every muscle is screaming. My muscles are tight with knots in them. My joints feel like they need to be popped. I'm at the same time exhausted & keyed up. I have a tinge of a headache that threatens to become a migraine. I'm also having numb/tingling sensations in my cheeks, arms & feet. On top of this, my emotions threaten to spill out everywhere. I've been moody & edgy all day.

Why? Because I have fibromyalgia. My body is over stimulated. Normal activity can sometimes cause extreme pain. Other times it doesn't bother me. My body is a human barometer. I can feel the weather changing. We are under a tornado watch as I type this. We have a front stalled over us & I can feel it. My body is anticipating it. It is tight & on edge. When the front actually arrives, I will get a little relief.

I try not to dwell on my fibromyalgia. It's just a fact of life for me. I've been diagnosed for 14 yrs now, but I think I've had it all my life. I don't remember ever NOT hurting. You just have to push through it. Sometimes you take it easier. Sometimes you rest more. BUT you never give in to the pain. Because if you do, you end up in bed & down for a long time. The months I gave in to it (14 yrs ago) were the darkest days of my life.

But today I'm really struggling. So I'm writing to let you all know so you can pray for me. Sometimes when I hurt, I become short tempered. Today I've yelled at my kids. They are now upstairs playing quietly. They are so very good for me when I'm really hurting bad. But I feel horrible for not being able to do things with them.  Sometimes, like today, I can't stand to be touched. It's so hard to not hug them, so I do & try not to jump out of my own skin as I do it. Hubby traveling makes it harder. He's not here to give me a break or to rub my tight muscles. I know it's hard on him too to know I'm hurting & he's not here.

One of the worst things about having fibromyalgia is how fast an episode hits you. One minute I'm doing great. The next I'm hurting more than words can express. When I'm hurting, it's hard to concentrate. I tend to get very quiet. It takes all my energy to concentrate on what others are saying which is why I tend to become reclusive on those days. This of course leads to a downward spiral if I'm not careful.  So I try to get active on Facebook or Twitter when I'm having a bad day so I concentrate on what others are doing & not just myself. I have lots of friends who have fibromyalgia. When I'm hurting, I know they are too. So I pray for them a lot! It gets my mind off me & onto them.

If you'd pass me in the store or on the street, you would never know the war that goes on within my body. Most days I hide it pretty well. Today, not so much. I know I was limping & moving slow at Bible study today. The girls also said it showed in my eyes. When you can see physical symptoms, you know I'm doing bad. I don't hide my pain to be deceptive. I hide it because I figure most people have their own problems & don't need to hear about my pain.

So, this is a rare glimpse inside of me! A small peek at what it's like to live with fibromyalgia. It's painful, but I'm thankful for this journey. Because of it, I've been able to reach out to others living in pain. I've become more compassionate to others who hurt. I've felt God's presence in such a real, comforting way. For when you are hurting & there's nothing a doctor can do, you turn to God. He may not have taken my physical pain away, but He's given me peace & comfort. I'm not alone in my struggle. God is right here with me. He gives me the strength to make it through these rough days. Without Him, I would have given up years ago!

How do you handle stress?

There are times in our life when the stress of life is more than you think you can handle. I just had one of those weeks.

Last Wednesday, my Mamaw fell & got taken to the hospital. I so wanted to be there with her but Jamie had been coughing so I didn't want to get my Mamaw sick.

Then all during the night on Wednesday, Jamie was coughing like crazy. I called the doctor on Thursday morning thinking Jamie just had a respiratory infection. By the time we arrived at the doctor, Jamie didn't look so good. She wasn't very perky & looked a little blue. And she wasn't talking much, which is unheard of with Jamie. To the left is a picture of Jamie when we first got to the doctor's office.

Within 15 minutes of arriving at the doctor's, I went from slightly concerned to very concerned. Jamie had 3 breathing treatments, a nose swab for flu (negative) & a chest x-ray for pneumonia (negative). Then we were told she HAD to go to the hospital. She was not moving air through her lungs. We were held at the doctor's office until the hospital had a room ready for us as the doctors where afraid Jamie would get in trouble. After almost 5 hours at the doctor's, a room was ready & we headed to the hospital.

On arrival at the hospital, Jamie was put on monitors & her oxygen was at 89%. Jamie was put on constant Albuterol breathing treatment. She ended up being on it for 3 1/2 hours. I felt so sorry for her as she went almost 24 hours without eating. During this time, Jamie was very quiet & hardly talked.  When she did talk, she would gasp between words. She was struggling for every breath.

Jeff's wonderful parents came down quickly to take Jess & David for us as they were with us this whole time. Jeff, his parents & Jess & David went to get food as none of us had had lunch.

After they left, the doctor came in to talk to me about Jamie. He told me they were very concerned about her inability to move air through her lungs. If this constant treatment didn't work, she was going to be moved to PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). After he left, my parents arrived. For the first time, I broke down when my dad & I stepped out in the hall. He told me doctors at my Mamaw's hospital wanted to move her to a nursing home. The combination of these 2 bad things just broke me. But I said a quick prayer & pulled myself together as I needed to be strong for Jamie.

Fortunately, the treatment helped & air started moving a little through her upper lobes of her lungs. They took her off continuous breathing treatment & let her eat. She was then put on treatments every 2 hours for the next 24. Slowly she started responding to the treatment.

As you can tell, she looks a little better. It was at this point, I realized we were in for a long, several day process to recovery. I knew that if I was going to handle the stress of Jamie & my Mamaw, I was going to need support. So, besides the twittering & facebooking of requests, I reached out to a handful of friends that I know are great "Prayer Warriors". I messaged them & told them specific things that needed prayed for. Things that needed to happen for my Mamaw & things that needed to happen for Jamie. As I sent out those messages, I rested in the fact that God was in control & I knew I, as well as Jamie & Mamaw, were covered in prayer. What a relief! I just sat back & rested in God's arms. I waited to see how God would work.

And boy, did God work. I was amazed at how God moved in my Mamaw's situation. He changed opinions of family members, He changed opinions of the doctor & He allowed my Mamaw to walk & impress the physical therapist. My Mamaw went home on Friday! It's going to be a long, hard road for my Mamaw & for her kids & grandkids who are taking care of her. BUT she's home, where she wants to be!

And God worked in Jamie's lungs. Slowly, he started opening her lungs. Lungs that sounded like an Asthmatic's in a severe asthma attack soon started moving air. By Friday afternoon, Jamie was talking like crazy & felt up to playing games. Thanks to Child Life services, Jamie spent a lot of Friday night & Saturday morning making bead bracelets. By Saturday night at 8pm, we were coming home! We continued breathing inhaler treatment every 4 hrs for 1st 24 hours we were home. Then only as needed. In the last 24 hours, Jamie has only needed 1 treatment.

Not only has God worked in healing Jamie's lungs, but He has kept me from having a fibromyalgia flare-up. Stress is a big factor in my flare-ups. Also, I was in a cool hospital room & slept in chairs & on hard couches. I also had very little sleep. I should have been in a complete flare with tons of pain. But I wasn't! Why? Prayer!!

So, if anyone wants to know how I handle stress, I'll be glad to tell you! I handle it by praying! And by having wonderful friends who pray for me & with me! By handing it all over to God & trusting He would answer the prayers of His Saints, I was able to relax & not get stressed!

God is good! He promises if we cast our cares on Him that He will give us rest, because He cares for us! (Psalm 55:22 & I Peter 5:7). So when you are stressed, I have a couple of things to do. 1. Pray to God! He will help you! 2. Reach out to friends that you know will pray for you & will encourage you! 3. Then rest in God's arms! It worked for me & I know it will work for you!