Update on life with traveling hubby!

Hubby has been traveling for 2 1/2 years now. I'm very thankful he has a job at all, but a traveling job when you have a family is very hard. And now it seems harder since he had an assignment here in town for 3 months. We were so blessed to have him home every night for those 3 months.

We know this is the way it has to be for right now as God led him to this job & no other job has been provided for him. So, we must deal with what we've been given. I know that God will give us the strength to get through this. I just keep praying for another job or something better.

Right now, it seems like this is an almost impossible thing to bear. My fibromyalgia has been flaring more this month. Allergies have got my kids feeling miserable. All 3 have coughs. Breathing treatments are happening every 4 hrs. All this rain & storms are not helping any. And on top of all this, my attitude isn't helping. During the week, I'm just waiting for Friday night to come. I'm trying really hard to live in the moment, but I'm struggling.

I feel guilty because I'm struggling. I'm not dying. I don't have any major sickness. My kids are relatively healthy & these allergies will pass. My hubby is still alive & comes home every weekend. I may have pain, but I know it won't cause permanent damage to my body. My life is relatively drama free. My family is fairly normal. I have lots of friends both locally & online. Then why am I struggling so???

I'm not really sure. I think it is a combination of hormones(too many emotions!), the weather (too little sunshine!),  fibromyalgia (too much pain!) & separation (too little hubby!). I also think it is weakness. Why? I think Satan knows my weakness(all above) & uses that to put discontent, doubt & discouragement in my mind. I'm thinking I need to spend more time in prayer & Bible study with my Savior! I also covet your prayers for me, my kids & for hubby.

Just wanted to share my struggles right now. We are struggling here at home while hubby travels, but it will get easier & it will get better. The kids are doing okay. They miss daddy a lot, but they soldier through. Hopefully we will soon get to travel with hubby. Our schedule is tight right now, but I am working to free up our schedule so we can go when the opportunity arises. I know that being transparent, I'm helping myself & maybe helping someone else who is struggling. It's so easy to hide & keep all the feelings inside, but it does nothing but cause depression & pain! Which leads to more struggling!

Struggling

As I sit here typing, the sky is calm for the moment. But my body is not. Every muscle is screaming. My muscles are tight with knots in them. My joints feel like they need to be popped. I'm at the same time exhausted & keyed up. I have a tinge of a headache that threatens to become a migraine. I'm also having numb/tingling sensations in my cheeks, arms & feet. On top of this, my emotions threaten to spill out everywhere. I've been moody & edgy all day.

Why? Because I have fibromyalgia. My body is over stimulated. Normal activity can sometimes cause extreme pain. Other times it doesn't bother me. My body is a human barometer. I can feel the weather changing. We are under a tornado watch as I type this. We have a front stalled over us & I can feel it. My body is anticipating it. It is tight & on edge. When the front actually arrives, I will get a little relief.

I try not to dwell on my fibromyalgia. It's just a fact of life for me. I've been diagnosed for 14 yrs now, but I think I've had it all my life. I don't remember ever NOT hurting. You just have to push through it. Sometimes you take it easier. Sometimes you rest more. BUT you never give in to the pain. Because if you do, you end up in bed & down for a long time. The months I gave in to it (14 yrs ago) were the darkest days of my life.

But today I'm really struggling. So I'm writing to let you all know so you can pray for me. Sometimes when I hurt, I become short tempered. Today I've yelled at my kids. They are now upstairs playing quietly. They are so very good for me when I'm really hurting bad. But I feel horrible for not being able to do things with them.  Sometimes, like today, I can't stand to be touched. It's so hard to not hug them, so I do & try not to jump out of my own skin as I do it. Hubby traveling makes it harder. He's not here to give me a break or to rub my tight muscles. I know it's hard on him too to know I'm hurting & he's not here.

One of the worst things about having fibromyalgia is how fast an episode hits you. One minute I'm doing great. The next I'm hurting more than words can express. When I'm hurting, it's hard to concentrate. I tend to get very quiet. It takes all my energy to concentrate on what others are saying which is why I tend to become reclusive on those days. This of course leads to a downward spiral if I'm not careful.  So I try to get active on Facebook or Twitter when I'm having a bad day so I concentrate on what others are doing & not just myself. I have lots of friends who have fibromyalgia. When I'm hurting, I know they are too. So I pray for them a lot! It gets my mind off me & onto them.

If you'd pass me in the store or on the street, you would never know the war that goes on within my body. Most days I hide it pretty well. Today, not so much. I know I was limping & moving slow at Bible study today. The girls also said it showed in my eyes. When you can see physical symptoms, you know I'm doing bad. I don't hide my pain to be deceptive. I hide it because I figure most people have their own problems & don't need to hear about my pain.

So, this is a rare glimpse inside of me! A small peek at what it's like to live with fibromyalgia. It's painful, but I'm thankful for this journey. Because of it, I've been able to reach out to others living in pain. I've become more compassionate to others who hurt. I've felt God's presence in such a real, comforting way. For when you are hurting & there's nothing a doctor can do, you turn to God. He may not have taken my physical pain away, but He's given me peace & comfort. I'm not alone in my struggle. God is right here with me. He gives me the strength to make it through these rough days. Without Him, I would have given up years ago!

How do you handle stress?

There are times in our life when the stress of life is more than you think you can handle. I just had one of those weeks.

Last Wednesday, my Mamaw fell & got taken to the hospital. I so wanted to be there with her but Jamie had been coughing so I didn't want to get my Mamaw sick.

Then all during the night on Wednesday, Jamie was coughing like crazy. I called the doctor on Thursday morning thinking Jamie just had a respiratory infection. By the time we arrived at the doctor, Jamie didn't look so good. She wasn't very perky & looked a little blue. And she wasn't talking much, which is unheard of with Jamie. To the left is a picture of Jamie when we first got to the doctor's office.

Within 15 minutes of arriving at the doctor's, I went from slightly concerned to very concerned. Jamie had 3 breathing treatments, a nose swab for flu (negative) & a chest x-ray for pneumonia (negative). Then we were told she HAD to go to the hospital. She was not moving air through her lungs. We were held at the doctor's office until the hospital had a room ready for us as the doctors where afraid Jamie would get in trouble. After almost 5 hours at the doctor's, a room was ready & we headed to the hospital.

On arrival at the hospital, Jamie was put on monitors & her oxygen was at 89%. Jamie was put on constant Albuterol breathing treatment. She ended up being on it for 3 1/2 hours. I felt so sorry for her as she went almost 24 hours without eating. During this time, Jamie was very quiet & hardly talked.  When she did talk, she would gasp between words. She was struggling for every breath.

Jeff's wonderful parents came down quickly to take Jess & David for us as they were with us this whole time. Jeff, his parents & Jess & David went to get food as none of us had had lunch.

After they left, the doctor came in to talk to me about Jamie. He told me they were very concerned about her inability to move air through her lungs. If this constant treatment didn't work, she was going to be moved to PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). After he left, my parents arrived. For the first time, I broke down when my dad & I stepped out in the hall. He told me doctors at my Mamaw's hospital wanted to move her to a nursing home. The combination of these 2 bad things just broke me. But I said a quick prayer & pulled myself together as I needed to be strong for Jamie.

Fortunately, the treatment helped & air started moving a little through her upper lobes of her lungs. They took her off continuous breathing treatment & let her eat. She was then put on treatments every 2 hours for the next 24. Slowly she started responding to the treatment.

As you can tell, she looks a little better. It was at this point, I realized we were in for a long, several day process to recovery. I knew that if I was going to handle the stress of Jamie & my Mamaw, I was going to need support. So, besides the twittering & facebooking of requests, I reached out to a handful of friends that I know are great "Prayer Warriors". I messaged them & told them specific things that needed prayed for. Things that needed to happen for my Mamaw & things that needed to happen for Jamie. As I sent out those messages, I rested in the fact that God was in control & I knew I, as well as Jamie & Mamaw, were covered in prayer. What a relief! I just sat back & rested in God's arms. I waited to see how God would work.

And boy, did God work. I was amazed at how God moved in my Mamaw's situation. He changed opinions of family members, He changed opinions of the doctor & He allowed my Mamaw to walk & impress the physical therapist. My Mamaw went home on Friday! It's going to be a long, hard road for my Mamaw & for her kids & grandkids who are taking care of her. BUT she's home, where she wants to be!

And God worked in Jamie's lungs. Slowly, he started opening her lungs. Lungs that sounded like an Asthmatic's in a severe asthma attack soon started moving air. By Friday afternoon, Jamie was talking like crazy & felt up to playing games. Thanks to Child Life services, Jamie spent a lot of Friday night & Saturday morning making bead bracelets. By Saturday night at 8pm, we were coming home! We continued breathing inhaler treatment every 4 hrs for 1st 24 hours we were home. Then only as needed. In the last 24 hours, Jamie has only needed 1 treatment.

Not only has God worked in healing Jamie's lungs, but He has kept me from having a fibromyalgia flare-up. Stress is a big factor in my flare-ups. Also, I was in a cool hospital room & slept in chairs & on hard couches. I also had very little sleep. I should have been in a complete flare with tons of pain. But I wasn't! Why? Prayer!!

So, if anyone wants to know how I handle stress, I'll be glad to tell you! I handle it by praying! And by having wonderful friends who pray for me & with me! By handing it all over to God & trusting He would answer the prayers of His Saints, I was able to relax & not get stressed!

God is good! He promises if we cast our cares on Him that He will give us rest, because He cares for us! (Psalm 55:22 & I Peter 5:7). So when you are stressed, I have a couple of things to do. 1. Pray to God! He will help you! 2. Reach out to friends that you know will pray for you & will encourage you! 3. Then rest in God's arms! It worked for me & I know it will work for you!