Trusting & letting go of control!

God tells us again & again to trust in Him, to fear not, to worry not because He loves us & cares for us! But in our human nature, that is so hard! Time & time again, I pick those worries & fears up instead of leaving them at His feet.

I finally figured out why I struggle with trust. It's because I think I know best. I think if I'm in control of it all, then I can work it all out the way I want things to come out. Only 1 thing wrong with this thinking, I'm NOT in control of anything. I think I am, but I'm not.

Sometimes I think I must really be a source of absolute amusement for God. He must sit there just shaking His head at me while trying not to laugh while I'm trying to do everything & be everything to everyone. Much like I get amused when one of my kids try to do an adult task that they clearly have no ability to master.

The longer I live, the more I realize that I have absolutely no control over anything. Only God does! Since He knows all & sees all, I can trust Him to lead me where I need to go.

I share all this so I can tell you about my weekend. We had homeschool conference in Cincy on Thursday through Saturday. 6 hrs on Thursday, 14 hrs on Friday & 9 hrs on Saturday of walking, looking at curriculum, sitting in workshops & being around thousands of people. Follow this up with a very busy Sunday which included Hubby heading off for his first travel assignment in 3 months!

Amazing! That's the only word to describe it! I still hurt, I still was tired & I still had a few moments of total neurological overload. BUT I had such peace & knew God was carrying me through each moment of the weekend. I made it through the conference & even was able to help with a reception at church on Sunday & have kids over to play. I made it through! And I'm not crashing today! I'm sore & tired but not completely crashing!I started to stress over this all last week. But decided that God knew I was in a Fibromyalgia flare-up & knew all the weekend involved. So, I decided to trust Him. I asked my prayer warrior friends & family to pray for me. Then I resolved to trust God & head into the long weekend activities.

I can not find the words to adequately thank God for carrying me through! I'm so thankful to all my faithful prayer warriors for their part in this weekend! What a difference it made!

 

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Things never go as planned

I think God must laugh at me & all my plans a lot! I think He's trying to teach me to let go & just go with life as it happens. So originally, Hubby was to be home the first 2 weeks of this month, 1 of those alone with me. That got changed as he ended up spending the 1st week in Denver (our alone week). Then Hubby was to go to California the last 3 weeks of the month & I was to spend 10 of those days with him. Well, that got changed! He ended up not going & instead spent another week in Denver. And now he is home for 3 weeks. 


I'm learning not to hold on to the plans I've made. I could be mad because plans fell through. I could pout, but what good would that do. So now I'm moving on. It looks like I'm going to get some alone time with Hubby next week thanks to our wonderful parents! And it's even looking like I'll get to go to California with Hubby around my birthday. But if it doesn't work out, I'm ok with it. 


I'm seeing that God's plans are better. We have been having some great family time this week. Having Hubby home has helped the kids alot. I sometimes forget that his travel is as hard on them as it is on me. So this extra time he has at home is very good. 


God's plans are always better than mine. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  I can always trust in God's plans! Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  So even when I can't understand why my plans have changed, I can trust God is leading me where He wants. Even though I make plans, I'm leaving the actual path I travel up to God. Proverbs 16:9 says “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” 


I've mentioned this song before, but I love the song "I'm Letting Go" by Francesca Battistelli. I think it's because God has been teaching me to let go! Here's the chorus:

I’m letting go

Of the life I planned for me

And my dreams

Losing control

Of my destiny

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe

So I’m letting go

I also really like Francesca's song "Unpredictable" as it reminds me that God is bigger than I am & His plans & thoughts are so much bigger & broader than I could ever imagine.

When I know that I know

What You have down the road

When I’m sure that

I’ve figured You out

Help me see that I’m small

That I can’t know it all

‘Cause You’re so unpredictable

So when things don't seem to be going as planned, just let go of your plans & trust God! It is hard at first, but the more you let go & just trust, the easier it gets. This unpredictable life is so exciting. God means for it to be exciting. He wants to lead us on paths we never would have dreamed & wants to stretch us farther than we've ever been stretched. Yes, it is scary sometimes! I so want to cling to the familiar & routine. But when I let go, I've been amazed by what God does through me & for me!