Harder

So, it's the 2nd night of the 2nd week of Jeff being gone. It's harder. I'm finding I'm going to God more in prayer. I need His help. I don't have the strength to do this on my own. But God is merciful & is giving me the grace I need to make it through. I'm not sure why we are doing this, but I know that on the other side of this, I will know that God is faithful & that He alone is who carried me through this. Maybe that's why we have to go through this....so I'll be totally dependent upon God...and not Jeff or myself. Total dependence on God for His power, His presence, His peace & His protection. What more can I say but "God, I need You! I'm desperate for You!"

First Week almost over!

Well, tomorrow evening hubby will be home. The first week is almost over. It seems to have gone pretty good. The kids are missing daddy, but seem to be handling him being gone ok. I'm missing hubby but am coping ok. It's kind of strange in that this just seems normal. Maybe it's because this is just the first week & it's a short week. I hope all week are as easy as this. I start my days in prayer & Bible study & then we do school work with maybe a morning snack. Then we have lunch & then finish any schoolwork we didn't get done yet. Then it's free time for the kids. I catch up on email & then work on housework. Then it's supper time & then clean up time. Then snack & bedtime. I've been reading to the kids after prayers & read until the youngest 2 fall asleep (usually 15-20 minutes).

Oh & we usually talk to daddy 3-4 times a day with one or more of those times being via Skype. So it's not like we have to go without hearing or seeing daddy. I think that makes it easier.

Well, that's my life for now. God is good & continues to carry me through this.

Day One is over!

The first day of hubby being gone has been a good one, but I'm so tired. Hubby & I were up until after midnight & had to get up at 4:30 in order to take him to the airport. All the kids were awake from the time we put them in the van until I got them out of the van at home. Jamie & David stayed awake all morning & played quietly while Jessie & I napped.

The kids for the most part seem to be handling it well. Jess keeps asking when's daddy getting home & I have to keep telling her not for 3 more days.

I am dealing ok, just extremely tired so I am heading to bed even though it is just 10pm. I do miss my cuddles though....

The night before...

So It's the night before Hubby's first flight out for his new job. I'm finding myself a little anxious, not because I don't want him to go, but because I have so much to do to get him ready.

The other night I was really struggling with all this. All I could do was cry out to the Lord. I had to confess my self focus. I was focused on what I had to do to make all this work. It's not me! It has to be God. I can't do it. I'm too emotional & too selfish! I'm going to trust in God & His Word. That will the only way I can do this.

So as I walk this road, I will bury myself in God's Word & cry out to Him when I need hope. As Pastor Bryan said today, "Secure God's Word to your heart & you'll always have the hope you need to press forward." So God is going to be my hope & He will give me stability during the change ahead. And when God's Word becomes my stability, I will be come stability for others (namely my children).

challenge - 100-fold harvest.

I went to Beth Moore's Living Proof live event this past weekend. Wow, was I challenged! Beth taught on Luke 8:1-15, the parable of the sower.

Did you know that we have been really blessed by God & that we are women of substance, not wimps, not superficial! Our life is to be lived out in relationship to God! through the study of HIS WORD! we've been called to live in the blessings of God! God's Word can yield a 100-fold harvest in our lives if we let it have maximum impact in our lives. How? Beth challenged us with 7 phrases to help us begin to let God work in us.

1. Treasure the wonder - we need to be in total awe of God & His Word. I have to confess that I fail to really treasure God. I become complacent & fail to fully comprehend that God, the creator of the universe, the Savior of the world gave me life just by speaking. He gives (breathes) life into me through His Word & there for I am competently competent to do anything He gives me to do! (2 Timothy 3:15-17)

2. Protect your heart - we have to protect it from the devil. He is real & wants to make sure we are ill-equipped to do what we were called to do. (Luke 8:12). I have to stand up to satan & tell him "My God spoke to me & it is not up for grabs!" What God gives me from the Word is mine & I can not let satan defeat me or convince me that God didn't really talk to me & that God won't be with me.

3. Expect the Test - we will be tested to see if we really believe it. God has told me that this change in front of my family is where He wants us...now, it is up to me to really believe it & to stand on God's Word when the doubts fly in & things get hard. (I Cor 10:13). God tests us to make us stand & Satan tempts us to make us fall!

4. Dig the Roots - by digging into the Word! Our roots are as deep as how much I'm convinced My Savior loves me! Wow - I'm so convicted by this. Am I really convinced my Savior loves me? Sometimes, I don't think I am...if I was, would I struggle with the next point?

5. Stop the Choke - anxiety chokes the Word right out of us! Here is where I struggle! I need to apply what Beth has said! The curative for anxiety is Prayer, prayer of the authority of God over what we are anxious about (Philippians 4:6). Anxiety really shows that we aren't bowed down to Christ! When I am anxious I am showing that I really don't believe God is the true authority over all. Ouch!

6.Retain the Word - I am so bad at this...Lord, help me to be in your Word & to meditate on it.

7. Press forth to your 100-fold Harvest - We need to persevere. Harvest is not in the instantaneous. We are to press forth & finish till the end!

The other things I was shown over the weekend was this - What I am going through & what God is bringing me through in NOT about me! It's about strengthening me & using me to minister to those around me & to show what God can do in you! It's time I came to the end of myself...I'm useless, I'm really pretty pathetic. BUT if I yield this pitiful life to God, He will strengthen me & He will use me to shine His Glory to others. If, through the hard time of being away from hubby & being a single parent during the week , God shines through me & others see Him in me then it is worth it all! God, help me to persevere in prayer, in faith, in Your vision through all the discouragement, chaos & trials! Help me to not live in hysteria & chaos, but in Freedom & Victory!!

Change

So, I don't like change but I find myself embracing it at this time even though in human terms the change really doesn't seem to make sense. I don't really know why this change is taking place. I mean, I know the new job has benefits which means hubby & I have insurance & will be able to go to the doctor which we haven't been able to for 3 years and we won't have to pay self-employment taxes & hopefully won't be in a hole again come tax time. But on the down side hubby will be gone every week....so that part doesn't make sense.

All through this though, I KNOW that this is where God wants us. And I have confidence God will work it out for his good (Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.").