Stepping out of our comfort zones

It seems like lately that God has really been stretching and growing me. Several things have popped up recently that have pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Talking in front of a group is not my idea of a fun time. But That is what I am doing in March at the Spring Women's Retreat at my church. Our theme is "When Life Gives You Lemons..." It was decided at a recent retreat planning meeting, that we would structure the retreat around 5 or 6 testimonies from ladies who have had tough circumstances. I sat through the whole meeting and didn't say too much, but in my head, I was having a battle with God. "I'm not going to volunteer to speak. No one would want to hear my story. It's not a radical conversion story or a turning from drugs or the like" was some of the thoughts running through my mind. BUT God (You got to love those words) wasn't going to let me get out of there without throwing my name on the list. He gently reminded me that my story is one of His faithfulness and Goodness.

So I am now working on putting together my testimony of how God has walked with me through depression, chronic pain and a myrid of health problems. There were times when I couldn't see the "Good" that would come from all this, but God always worked it out for His good and I wouldn't trade those bad times for anything. Through each bad time, I learned more about God and was changed for the better. So I am being obedient and stepping out of my comfort zone and will be sharing in front of 30 or more ladies. Pray for me...

Another way I have been pushed out of my comfort zone just happened this week. Not only am I not good in front of groups, I'm not real good with meeting new people. I lack self-confidence. Normally when I know I am going to be put in a situation with people I don't know, I get very nervous and withdrawn. On Wednesday, my hubby and I met some new friends from the GSPN.TV community for supper and then a Lost viewing party. I am just praising God that I was calm and relaxed during it. I even had a great time. I met a lot of great people who'd I'd normally never have met as none of them live in the same city/state that we do.

SO I'm learning that sometimes God leads us out of our comfort zones. But when He does, He will be with us. And you never know, you might be surprised at how much you enjoy it!

A clean slate...

As I go to bed tonight, I am facing a new day tomorrow. A fresh clean slate lays before me. Not only are my sins forgiven & forgotten, but God has extended His Grace to me once again. So, tomorrow is a new day & here are the things I'm looking forward to changing with God's help:

1. Eating healthier - I am cleaning out my kitchen & purging it of all the junk food (brownies, fudge, cookies) so I can eat better & feel better.
2. Exercising - I want to be more fit so I can feel better & lose weight.
3. Educating my kids - I am looking forward to starting school tomorrow and challenging my kids to learn as much as they can.
4. Emotional stability - I am resolved to trust God & not my emotions. As I exercise, eat better & do what needs to be done, I truly believe my body will become more emotionally stable.
5. Consistancy - I want to be more consistant with my kids in discipline, in schedule, in time spent with them. I want to be more consistant with my time with God. I want to be more consistant in my attitude & my life as a whole.
6. Transparency - I want to be real. I want to not put up a fascade. I want everyone to see the real me. It may be hard, it may not be pretty, but at least I'll be real!

I'll let you know how I'm doing...Tomorrow the clean slate begins....

What a Nasty Person!!

And no, I'm not talking about anyone else. I'm talking about myself. Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize you are a disgusting, vile person. It's really ugly when you realize you have such hatred, such bitterness, such pettiness, such selfishness in you. I mean, you aren't a bad person as far as the world is concerned....you don't drink, you don't smoke, you love your family, you go to church.

BUT, inside your heart is awful. How could anyone love you? How could someone die for you? At that moment, I was overwhelmed that Jesus would come to this broken world & die for me so that I might be saved. I don't deserve that...never in a million years. I'm so nasty, so evil, so flawed...yet God showers me with His Grace....Grace undeserved. Jesus' blood covers my sin, my evil.

And even more unthinkable is that He takes this broken, nasty person & make something beautiful out of it. He uses me, in my awful state, to bring glory to Himself. He works all things out in this life for His good! All I have to do is admit I'm sinful & ask His forgiveness. That sweet sweet forgiveness, that He pours on me so readily. And then He blesses me again & again. Despite myself, He has blessed me with 3 beautiful kids, with a wonderful, loving, patient husband, a wonderful family & a great church family. I don't deserve any of it! It's Grace! God's wonderful, bountiful, undeserved, incomprehensible grace!

Only God could take an awful, nasty, petty, flawed person and turn her into something beautiful, broken but beautiful! All I can do is Praise HIM!!

Overwhelmed

Do you ever get to the point where everything just overwhelms you? I'm there. So I decide today to write about a few of the things that overwhelm me & what I'm doing to change that.

1. My house is overwhelming me. It is so cluttered & messy. So, I've started decluttering. Just wish I could get it done faster. I have my kitchen and my garage done. I'm also working on my bathroom & Jeff's cds & DVDs. I still need to finish my bathroom & closet. Then I need to do my desk. Then the big jobs need done - the spare room & Jeff's computer area in the living room.

2. our schedule is overwhelming me. We aren't dealing well with adjusting when Jeff leaves & comes home. Plus it seems like we just run run run. Sunday is church, Tuesday is Bible Study & Homeschool Gym, Wed is Word of Life, Thursday is dance. I also have OT in there & any other meetings that crop up at church. Then when you throw picking up Jeff & dropping Jeff off at the airport into the mix, It's all a little overwhelming! I also have to fit in school too. I don't have a solution to this problem yet. Maybe it's more of an attitude adjustment for myself about all of this.

I think my biggest problem is I let my outlook be influenced by my feelings. I need to stop living by my feelings. My feelings are so unstable at times. I let myself give into the feelings & get overwhelmed. Yes, I do have some actual steps I can take to help that overwhelmed feeling, but a lot of the problem is living according to those feelings. I get overwhelmed, then I get moody. Then I get grouchy. Then I become hard to live with. Then it rubs off on hubby & the kids & they become hard to live with which makes me grouchier. All because I let my feelings run my life. God, help me to live the way You want me to & not live according to my feelings of the moment.

Rambling

I don't really have a topic today. Just noticed I hadn't updated in a while. Things are going ok. We are having a little trouble with the kids picking up their toys. It's a constant struggle & I'm not really sure how to deal with it. It usually ends in yelling (yes, I know yelling is not good). I know I've trained them to only respond to yelling but I can't seem to get us out of this viscous circle! Then I end up feeling like a horrible mom.

Plus this week I'm dealing with hormones & headaches so that make me irritable. Fortunately, Jeff is coming home tonight! He is home for 4 whole days then on Thursday, he & I head to DE where he is working. A nice break for me.

I feel like I've been under attack this week. My defenses are down since I've not been feeling the best & Satan has been working overtime on trying to convince me I'm a bad mom. Then all the afraid feelings. Just a hard week. But I've been clinging to God & He has brought me through it. Some weeks we sail through & other weeks we are just happy to have made it through alive!

As you can see, this is just a rambling mess. So, if you thought I had it all together, you can clearly see that I don't. I struggle, but God is faithful to take even my weak attempts & turn them to good. Every day, Heaven looks better & better. To have no struggles, no pain, no anger, no doubts....to just be in the presence of Jesus....ah....