From one health problem to another....

So, I finally got my blood pressure under control & now I'm dealing with a fissure! Ouch! I've been in pain most of the last 3 months... The last 3 weeks have been really bad and I have fibromyalgia & am used to dealing with pain...

I'm so tired of hurting & being sidelined by pain. Physically, I've had to deal with worse pain. BUT this time it seems harder. I know I'm being harder on myself. I'm so frustrated with the fact that I'm having trouble taking care of my hubby & kids. Mind you, they aren't complaining as my hubby has taken awesome care of me and my kids have pitched in & helped a lot. It's just that I know my purpose in life at this stage is to love God, love my husband, love my family & take care of them! I have a house to clean, laundry to do, meals to fix, yardwork to do, school to teach, hubby to be a wife to! ;-)

And the frustration at not being able to fulfill those duties has hit me hard. I know God has a reason for all this, but I can't see it right now. And that's where Satan has me... He used that to eat away at me & tell me I'm useless, worthless & too much of a bother. Why do I listen to him? I know he just wants to pull me away from God & to fill me with despair. Oh God, help me! comfort me, lift me up & help me to withstand the temptation to give in to the pain & despair.

From this moment on Lord, I praise You for this pain. I don't understand it, but I praise You for & in this pain. Use it! Use me! For Your ultimate Glory!! For I know that You love me & that You work all things for Good!!

Sidelined by health problems...

So, If you've followed me on twitter or Facebook, you know about my sudden onset of high blood pressure & headache while in Colorado. If not, here's the short version. Thursday I had the worst headache of my life & had Jeff take me to an urgent care center we were passing on way to airport to come home. I ended up in ER with Blood pressure of 212/142. After meds & CT Scan & Spinal Tap, my BP came down & I was sent on my way. Of course, we had missed our flights & ended up driving home the next day.

When I got home, I took my BP & it is up. I've not had Blood pressure problems outside of pregnancy, so now I am taking it easy (staying on the couch) until I get into see the doctor tomorrow.

Taking it easy is the hardest thing in the world when my house needs cleaned, my kids need taken care of, my hubby needs taken care of & meals need fixed. It is so hard to stay down & let hubby take care of me. BUT I know I need to until we figure out why my blood pressure is up & we get it under control. WHy is it so hard for a wife/mom to take care of ourselves? Why do we feel guilty when we need to take it easy to be healthy for our families? Just a few of the questions I'm pondering while stuck here on the couch...

It's all in God's Timing!

I'm reminded today that Life is fleeting & only God knows the time we have here on this earth. My brother's friend & business partner, Daniel Beeker, died Sat. night in a motorcycle accident. Little did anyone know that this ride would be his last. In an instant, the life of his wife totally changed and his 2 girls lost their daddy.

Please, live life to the fullest! Enjoy those you love for you don't know how long they will be with you or how long you will be with them. Don't let petty differences go unresolved. And get your life right with God! When your life is done here on this earth, do you know where you will go? If you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins & rose again, and confess your sins, and confess Jesus as Lord & Savior of your life, then you will be saved. It's that simple.

My thoughts & prayers are with Daniel's family and friends during this most difficult of times. Now I'm gonna go hug my hubby & kids just a little bit longer & tighter than normal.

Do you ever feel like your stuck??

This is how I feel lately. I'm trying to get healthier, we're trying to get financially healthier, but seems like we are stuck in the mud. Let me see if I can explain what I mean.

Let me start with finances. I'm a stay at home mom & hubby is a traveling trainer. He makes fairly good money. But we are in debt. A lot of it is accumulated from when I got sick & had to stop working and we didn't change our lifestyle. Some of it is from taking a loss on our house to get out of a very bad neighborhood. Some of it is from getting loans to cover an IRS debt from when hubby was self-employed. Some of it is school loans. Anyway, we are in debt. Plus we are behind on some bills still due to hubby being laid off for awhile in 2006.

So, we've read Dave Ramsey & other finance stuff & we are trying to change our ways. But the reason I feel stuck is because when you are behind, it is so hard to get caught up enough where you have extra to start saving & start paying down the debt. So the vicious cycle continues. Plus with hubby traveling constantly we have to use whatever extra we have to keep him traveling (he has to pay hotel, car & meals up front, then get reimbursed 2-3 weeks later).

Another place I've felt stuck is getting healthy. I have fibromyalgia & am overweight. I want to lose the weight & am just very slowly. I'd love to be able to walk a lot to help me lose the weight. BUT, I'm with the kids on my own most of the time so can't really exercise the way I'd like. I also have lots of bad days that make it hard to consistently exercise. I could go to a gym with child care & do water aerobics, but finances prevents that one.

I'm also trying to eat healthier, but face it, less healthy food is cheaper! It's also easier to fix on those days when I'm not feeling the best.

So, I'm feeling stuck. I know it will work out. I know God will provide. But Right now, I'm only seeing the sides of the pit I'm in. Time to dig into God's Word & readjust my vision so I can see the Hand reaching into the pit to pull me up. So many times I stop looking up & start looking at myself to solve all these problems. Or I start listening to the voices of the world telling me to blame my hubby, to blame God & to give up. And some times, I just like wallowing in self-pity!

So there you have it - the good (admiting I need to turn to God), the bad (our financial woes & my health problems) & the ugly (my self centeredness!).

Decluttering!

So, if you've been following me on Twitter, you seen me talk about the "Great Toy Purge of '09". This is part of my effort to declutter. It's been a struggle over the past 2 days to go through & get rid of toys. The hardest day is today as we are sorting through & eliminating over half our stuffed animal collection. I have to admit, that half the animals are mine. So I need to let go of them. Different ones have different memories tied to them. I have made the choice to let go of most of them. I am allowing myself to keep 2 or 3 of them. I keep telling myself that even if I let go of the animals, I don't have to let go of the memories. Memories of my Papaw, of all the caring people who saw me in the hospital when I was 7 & couldn't walk, & of other special times in my life.

Enough talking....back to decluttering!!