Saturday, December 5, 2009

Struggling with who I am...

I love my life. But sometimes, when I start looking around at my friends & family, I start struggling with who I am. I see moms who cook from scratch, who can their own food, who make their kids' clothes & think "I need to be doing that". I see a mom who is very frugal & think "I need to be that way". I see moms who have their child in every activity they can find & think "I need to get my kids in all those activities". I see families who are involved in other ministries & think "We need to do that too". I see families who are having weekly or even daily family time & think "We need to have family time like that". Then when my life, my hubby or myself don't match these "IDEAS" I get frustrated...

That's when I hear God whisper..."But I didn't make you to do all those things or to be like them. I made you Unique...I made you You!" When I embrace who God made me to be & embrace where I am at this stage of my life, I stop struggling. I see clearly my direction in life & recognize that my life is truly one of a kind.

While I appreciate & love all my friends, I can say, your life is not mine! And it's ok that I'm not like everyone else. I really never have been...It's time to embrace my life & stop struggling with who I am.

I'm a wife to a wonderful Hubby who loves me & treats me like a princess. Because he travels, our life is crazy. We have no schedule as some would see, but it works for us. We fit school in where we can - nights, afternoons, mornings, weekends & at home, on the road, in hotels.... We embrace the times when are with hubby & keep busy getting ahead when he is gone.

I have 3 wonderful kids. They are not like anyone else's! They walk to the beat of their own drums. They too are unique. Our school work will be taylored to their interests & my teaching style will be different than many others who homeschool.

I have fibromyalgia so my energy/time needs to be spent wisely. Shortcuts at meals & less external activities are the rule of thumb.

So, I am me! I do not have to be like the moms around me! I love all my friends but I'm not them. My life is radically different & I need to remember that! I need to embrace who God made me to be. I need to stop torturing myself when I do things differently or think differently. So who am I? I am me! I'm unique, I'm different & it's time I start being confident that God knows who He made me to be!


Gretchen said...

I agree! And isn't it a blessing that you started homeschooling not even knowing that your husband my have a job when he travels so much so you could all travel with him on occasion. I do the same thing and I finally just had to stop comparing myself (it is hard to do). We like you just the way you are!

Heidi @ Indy Photography said...

This is a great post. I feel the same way sometimes. Nice to know I'm not alone! :) (Although I do fit a lot of those categories you just mentioned! LOL)

I think it's totally natural for women to compare lifestyle, parenting, schooling, life choices, etc. But that doesn't mean it's HEALTHY. To some extent, I think it can be helpful if there really IS an area where I should change, but I can easily take it way beyond that.

It's a freeing feeling to know that you are exactly what/who God wants you to be, isn't it? :)