I have decided that I don't really belong here! I don't fit in. My thinking is bizarre... I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but here's just a few of the reasons why I think this:
1. I'm happy my kids are home with me! - I hear/read posts from so many of my friends that are so excited that school is back in session & their kids are back in school. Now, don't get me wrong, I do wish at times I had more "me" time. But overall, I'm very glad I'm not sending my kids away for 8 hours a day! I enjoy being around them. I enjoy teaching them. I enjoy having lots of family times! Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes! And there are even times I'm jealous of those who send their kids to school & get to do their home chores in peace. But I'd miss my kids if they went off to school.
2. I love spending time with my hubby! - So many people I know can't wait to be away from their husbands or wives. If I had it my way, I'd be with hubby all the time! He's my best friend! I'd rather go out with him than with the girls. He wins every time!!
3. I'm not a cook from scratch, sew my own clothes homeschooler! - so, this makes me not fit in to the general world because I homeschool. It also makes me not fit in to the homeschooling world because I don't cook from scratch, we don't sew our own clothes, I don't have more than 5 kids, I own a tv, my kids listen to music other than classical & we embrace technology! Now, I know not all homeschoolers do that stuff. And I know that some of the world that doesn't homeschool does do that stuff. But on average, I don't fit in.
4. I'm an older parent - What I mean is this: Most of my friends that are my age (pushing 40) have kids that are all grown up or at least almost out of high school. My kids are 10, 7 & 5. The parents of my kids' friends are mostly in their 20s or early 30s! So, I feel like I don't fit in.
Ok, enough reasons. You get the point. But, I'm not posting this to complain. I'm just excited that for once in my life, I don't care that I'm different & don't fit in. All my life I've not "fit in" for some reason or another (weight, country girl at city church, shy, good girl when everyone else in class smoke/drank, etc....). I've always hated it & let it depress me. But I've finally come to the point where I like who I am! And I don't care what others think of me. The only thing that matters is what Jesus thinks of me! He's my savior & creator! He made me unique! He made me the way I am for a reason! So, I am embracing it!
I am different! I don't belong here! I was made for eternity! So, I will continue being who I am! So, who am I? I'm a Bible Believing sinner saved by grace! I'm a wife to the best Hubby in the world. I am mother to 3 bright, wonderful, beautiful kids whom I homeschool! I live in Chronic pain so we do things differently in our house because of it. We are a tech-savy, boxed food eating, junk food eating, 80s music loving, travel when we can, Jesus loving, messy house, short-cut taking, Uniquely weird family! And we love it!! Why? Because God made us this way!! So if you want some want to know some unique, weird people who will love you for who you are, then you've come to the right place!!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Patiently Waiting....
I hate to wait! And lately it seems like waiting on God's timing is my life lesson at this time! I'm realizing more & more that God's timing is definitely not MY timing!
In my timing, Hubby would already have a non-traveling job here and be home every night with us! But it's not God's timing!
In my timing, I would not have sciatica right now! I have lots to do & have responsibility for 3 kids by myself during the week. But that's NOT Gods timing! God allowed my sciatica to happen & graciously allowed my parents to be able to help me! And in my timing I'd be completely better, but in God's timing healing is taking longer.
In my timing, we'd be ahead on bills & debts would be paid off. But in God's timing that hasn't been able to happen yet.
In my timing.... In my timing...
God's timing is not my timing! God has plans for me that I don't understand. Plus, He sees the big picture that I do not. So my timing is nothing. Because God says: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." So I may have plans but they fail in comparison to the plans God has for me! So I must wait patiently on God's timing! Even though sometimes it is very hard!
In my timing, Hubby would already have a non-traveling job here and be home every night with us! But it's not God's timing!
In my timing, I would not have sciatica right now! I have lots to do & have responsibility for 3 kids by myself during the week. But that's NOT Gods timing! God allowed my sciatica to happen & graciously allowed my parents to be able to help me! And in my timing I'd be completely better, but in God's timing healing is taking longer.
In my timing, we'd be ahead on bills & debts would be paid off. But in God's timing that hasn't been able to happen yet.
In my timing.... In my timing...
God's timing is not my timing! God has plans for me that I don't understand. Plus, He sees the big picture that I do not. So my timing is nothing. Because God says: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." So I may have plans but they fail in comparison to the plans God has for me! So I must wait patiently on God's timing! Even though sometimes it is very hard!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wanting God's Will!
As I look at myself, I'm amazed at what God has done in me. He has transformed me. Just a few years ago, I was a "worry-wart"! Constantly worried about what is about to happen, what might happen or even what I was going to have to do to make my way happen. But, then God started changing me.
It took having my safety net stripped away! Jeff lost his job. He's been laid off before, but never when we had 3 kids! At first I was depending on what we had in checking account, but as the month stretched into two, I couldn't depend on what we had. I had to start depending on God to provide. And boy did He! Somehow we didn't default on anything & the money stretched in unexplainable ways!
Then Jeff got a job & things returned to normal & I started depending on myself & Jeff & what we could do. But things got stressful & Hubby felt led to take another job. And that job led to the biggest change in me.
After praying about this new job offer, we felt this was where God wanted Jeff. So, we jumped into it. Although, I was scared to death over the thought of him traveling & me being a single mom during the week. Over the last almost 2 years, God has been changing me. I've become more dependent on Him! I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened, but I'm just amazed that it has!
I wake up every morning content! I know to whom I belong! I know God has me in this place for a reason! I don't really like Jeff traveling & being away from us, but I'm ok with it. I know God is in control & He put us on this path. I pray for Jeff to get a local job, but if it's not God's will, then I don't want it to happen!! And that thought is exactly what amazes me! I'm at a point where I want God's will more than my own!
It took having my safety net stripped away! Jeff lost his job. He's been laid off before, but never when we had 3 kids! At first I was depending on what we had in checking account, but as the month stretched into two, I couldn't depend on what we had. I had to start depending on God to provide. And boy did He! Somehow we didn't default on anything & the money stretched in unexplainable ways!
Then Jeff got a job & things returned to normal & I started depending on myself & Jeff & what we could do. But things got stressful & Hubby felt led to take another job. And that job led to the biggest change in me.
After praying about this new job offer, we felt this was where God wanted Jeff. So, we jumped into it. Although, I was scared to death over the thought of him traveling & me being a single mom during the week. Over the last almost 2 years, God has been changing me. I've become more dependent on Him! I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened, but I'm just amazed that it has!
I wake up every morning content! I know to whom I belong! I know God has me in this place for a reason! I don't really like Jeff traveling & being away from us, but I'm ok with it. I know God is in control & He put us on this path. I pray for Jeff to get a local job, but if it's not God's will, then I don't want it to happen!! And that thought is exactly what amazes me! I'm at a point where I want God's will more than my own!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Father's Day!
When I think of a Father, I obviously think of my dad! He isn't perfect because none of us are, but in my opinion, he's pretty close! I'm so thankful that God allowed me to be born to him! My dad loves God, loves my mom & loves my brother & me! He also now loves my hubby & my kids.
Here are some of the things I love about my dad:
1. He loves the Lord!! And that Love shines throughout his life. My dad loves to read the Bible, sing about God & tell others about what God has done for him and can do for them. Without my dad, I wouldn't have learned about Jesus & trusted HIM as my Savior!
2. He loves my mom! I remember when I was growing up, seeing my parents holding hands or kissing. They love being together. I used to think it strange when a lot of other adult couples I knew, didn't seem to want to be together. My dad always made sure that we respected my mom.
3. He loves others! My dad loves to help others. A fond memory of mine is when I went with my dad to deliver food to a co-worker of dad's who was going through a rough time. We took sacks of food & milk and placed it on their front porch. Then we knocked on the door & ran. From down the block, we watched them open the door to find the food. It was such a cool memory! Dad has a large garden that he grows lots of veggies in. Then he just gives them away. He keeps much of his friends & family in zucchini, tomatoes, corn & potatoes as well as other veggies.
4. He loves missionaries! My dad was mission Treasure at our church when I was growing up & we had lots of different missionaries stay with us over the years. I got to firsthand hear about some of the miracles God has worked on the mission field! Now my dad (& Mom) support lots of missionaries. And my dad has gotten to serve as a missionary. He has went to Africa, Brazil & other countries as well as serving here in America. He uses his telephone splicing & repair skills to put phones in mission hospitals, schools, churches & camps!
So these are just a few things I love about my dad!
I love you Dad! I'm so thankful that God made you my dad! Thank you for being my dad!!
Love, your daughter!
Here are some of the things I love about my dad:
1. He loves the Lord!! And that Love shines throughout his life. My dad loves to read the Bible, sing about God & tell others about what God has done for him and can do for them. Without my dad, I wouldn't have learned about Jesus & trusted HIM as my Savior!
2. He loves my mom! I remember when I was growing up, seeing my parents holding hands or kissing. They love being together. I used to think it strange when a lot of other adult couples I knew, didn't seem to want to be together. My dad always made sure that we respected my mom.
3. He loves others! My dad loves to help others. A fond memory of mine is when I went with my dad to deliver food to a co-worker of dad's who was going through a rough time. We took sacks of food & milk and placed it on their front porch. Then we knocked on the door & ran. From down the block, we watched them open the door to find the food. It was such a cool memory! Dad has a large garden that he grows lots of veggies in. Then he just gives them away. He keeps much of his friends & family in zucchini, tomatoes, corn & potatoes as well as other veggies.
4. He loves missionaries! My dad was mission Treasure at our church when I was growing up & we had lots of different missionaries stay with us over the years. I got to firsthand hear about some of the miracles God has worked on the mission field! Now my dad (& Mom) support lots of missionaries. And my dad has gotten to serve as a missionary. He has went to Africa, Brazil & other countries as well as serving here in America. He uses his telephone splicing & repair skills to put phones in mission hospitals, schools, churches & camps!
So these are just a few things I love about my dad!
I love you Dad! I'm so thankful that God made you my dad! Thank you for being my dad!!
Love, your daughter!
Monday, June 7, 2010
What if I really had the Joy of the Lord?
This past Sunday, we had the Mwangaza Children's Choir (http://www.mwangazachoir.org/) at our church. Watching these children dance & sing for the Lord really made me stop & think! "What if I really had the Joy of the Lord in my life?" What if I woke up eager to tell others about my Savior? What if I was always ready to sing & dance to the Lord?
Sadly, most of the time I don't. Many days I spend my time selfishly thinking of me & my own problems. Many days I just plod through my day with no joy, no worship, just sadness & apathy. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't live out my faith. I don't put my Savior first. Why? Partly because I get caught up in the world & all that living here in America offers. Partly because I'm selfish & I think of myself & what I can do or what I have or don't have. Partly because I don't truly trust my Savior for life! I don't ask Him to fill me with His Joy. I don't let Him! I let the worthless concerns of everyday life drag me down. I let the pain overwhelm me. I let the frustration get to me. I DON'T filter life through God's Grace! I don't see this world & my life through God's Eyes!
What would my life look like if everyday I woke up & said "My Savior died for me! Oh what Grace!", "My Savior takes care of me. He guides me & shepherds me" & "Do you know my Savior?" What if I woke up everyday & really praised God for my life, my family, my salvation? What if I strived every day to put God first & truly Worship Him? What if I spent more time with God? What if I memorized more of His Word? What if I really loved Him the way He loves me?
I can't comprehend how my life would change... But will I do these things? or will I let the apathy & cares of this world pull me down?
Lord, Change me! Fill me with Your Joy! Let me be a Shining Light for You! Shine in me! Change me, because I can't change myself!
Sadly, most of the time I don't. Many days I spend my time selfishly thinking of me & my own problems. Many days I just plod through my day with no joy, no worship, just sadness & apathy. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't live out my faith. I don't put my Savior first. Why? Partly because I get caught up in the world & all that living here in America offers. Partly because I'm selfish & I think of myself & what I can do or what I have or don't have. Partly because I don't truly trust my Savior for life! I don't ask Him to fill me with His Joy. I don't let Him! I let the worthless concerns of everyday life drag me down. I let the pain overwhelm me. I let the frustration get to me. I DON'T filter life through God's Grace! I don't see this world & my life through God's Eyes!
What would my life look like if everyday I woke up & said "My Savior died for me! Oh what Grace!", "My Savior takes care of me. He guides me & shepherds me" & "Do you know my Savior?" What if I woke up everyday & really praised God for my life, my family, my salvation? What if I strived every day to put God first & truly Worship Him? What if I spent more time with God? What if I memorized more of His Word? What if I really loved Him the way He loves me?
I can't comprehend how my life would change... But will I do these things? or will I let the apathy & cares of this world pull me down?
Lord, Change me! Fill me with Your Joy! Let me be a Shining Light for You! Shine in me! Change me, because I can't change myself!
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